Apartment

Apartment // Seven.

I nuzzle my face into Tate's chest, is it truly possible that I am falling in love with Matty? He holds me tightly, when suddenly Violet starts yelling at Tate, "who the fuck is this?"

I am startled at her tone "Violet it's me!" I respond my hair all over my face, eyes swollen and pale faced.

She looks at me, she can't make out who I am.

"It's Luna, Violet, it's your best friend Luna." Tate says, she doesn't even recognize me.

She gasps dropping her shopping bags, keys and purse on the floor. Violet wraps her arms around me and Tate, apologizing to him for thinking he'd ever cheat on her. "Luna I'm sorry for scaring you, I didn't recognize you." She admits, "What's wrong? Tate what the hell is going on?"

I explain to her everything, everything that happened between Harry and I. Everything that happened between Matty and I.

Tate clears his throat, "Violet... She thinks she's falling for Matty."

Her eyes widen and her mouth gapes open, "are you sure? Are you sure it's not the sex talking? Was is good? How was the sex?"

Tate snaps a glare at her, the 'it's not of your business' look; she gives the innocent 'what?' look.

"The sex was incredible," I admit "but it's not that, it's the way I've felt around him."

"Do you feel nervous? Do you feel like you can't breathe when you're around him? Does your heart start beating so fast that it feels it's going to beat out of your chest? Do you feel like you have to make him happy so you can be happy? Like it's your duty." Violet says, looking Tate in the eyes. He blows her a kiss, she just described the inevitable love she has for him.

I stop crying, I'm wiping away my tears, gathering myself. I smile, "yeah, it's exhilarating I feel the thunder in my veins like I did when I was with Chris; but then again, I have this urge to fix him because I can't stand the idea of him being broken. All I want is his touch, I know the way he smells, the way each hair upon his head curls. I love how he does that stupid little dance when he feels awkward. I think I feel the way for Matty like the way Harry feels for me." I admit.
They stay quiet, letting myself figure out what I want to do. "But..."

"But what?" She questions.

I sigh "How could I possibly be falling for someone that I've known for only a week! Heck! I don't even know a single thing about him. Maybe I'm just not thinking straight since the sex was so good last night. Maybe because he's the only person who has paid attention to me in such a long time. Maybe it's because I'm not suppose to, since Harry doesn't allow it."

Tate tries to cut in "Luna..."

But I continue. "I know I sound crazy, I'm sure if he heard me talking about this he'd think the same. I'm sure he'll run back. But let's say things develop and we try this out. Then what? Harry will be angry and then Matty will leave at the end of summer. I lose them both and for what?" I take a deep breath "I think I just want to fall in love because that's something I'm suppose to do, it's something I would have wanted. But that shit is hard... Just think about me being in love scares me."

"Luna I know it's scary..." Violet begins.

"No! You don't know you've been with Tate since you two were 16, nearly 8 years! You guys found love, it was love at first sight. I don't know what that is. Why? Because I settle. I settled down with a guy who abused me because I thought that was love. I'm not saying Matty or anyone will hurt me that way again, but I don't know that they won't. I can't go through that again!" I shout, falling to my knees, I've never felt so weak in my life. I never cried like this, not with this pain soaring through me. It's all because of Harry, all of it.
I grab my stuff, and run, I run out of Tate and Violet's home, without saying goodbye.
I run and keep running even if I feel as if I can't. I push myself. I collect strange looks from strangers in the beautiful streets of Los Angeles. I run 5 miles to Harry's home, not once do I stop for water or to catch my breathe.