See Through

6 - I'm Drinkin Scotch

AN: In case you don't catch on, this chapter is Scott's POV, but it's a journal entry. I needed y'all to know things about him. So, here it is. (BTW, it's really easy to type like a drunk person. Just type really fast and don't correct yourself... or just get drunk, too. JK.)

—-

Writing in a diary is so stupid. So, I'm going to call this a journal. Writing in a journal is so stupid. Actually, I'm not writing. I'm typing. Type type type. So, what, do I label this with my name? I've never done one of these before. My name is... let's just call me Scratch. I'll name my first child Scratch. How cool is that? Nah, that kid would hate me. Anyway, the purpose for writing this diary/journal thing is to get my thoughts out. It was recommended to me by my good friend, whom for the sake of this journal thing, I'll call... uh... gosh, this is hard. (I'm highly aware that I'm typing all of my thoughts. I'm a little tipsy right now. But I type like a PRO!) Let's call this friend Adam... Anyway, Adam told me to write all of my thoughts out in a journal. It would help me get my thoughts out.

So, let's begin. I'm a twenty-something year old who is in a band, shall we call them Pent House. :) The people in this band are like family to me. We've toured together, shared our darkest secrets, held each other's hair when we were sick... I've known two of them since we were much younger before our dreams were even in sight. The girl, Kierstan, and the boy, Matt. I've known Matt since we were ten and we've been inseparable since. This journal is about him. I'm just going to come out and say it.

I am IN LOVE WITH MATT.

Just to let you know, reader or future me, I keep writing this boy's real name and I have to erase it and rewrite Matt. I'm not in love with any Matt.

Anyway, so here's my trouble. I'm in love with my best friend, but I'm dating someone else. Call it what you may. I get it. It's a terrible situation. Horrible situation. I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. Actually, no I'm not. The reason why I'm dating this other guy is because I like him. He's beautiful, sexy, tall, handsome, great in other ways (if you know what I mean ;)) and I feel a connection with him. However, his connection isn't as deep as it is with Matt. I mean, I see my best friend every day. I live with him. We share an apartment together and have a cat together. We're practically married already. But I know he doesn't have the same feelings as I do. It just tears me up inside to see him every single day, tour with him, sing with him, hold him, and not be able to embrace him as I want. I call him terrible names (but so does he and it's our joke and it's #FCUTE) secretly to get me to not like him. Logic. That doesn't work. Needless to say, I'm distraught. I"m also getting more tipsy so I'm sorry if I mispellnthings. I can go back later and edit. Or laugh at this. Ir delete this. Because it's ridiculous.

Anyway. Is anyone out there? Because I need some opinions. If I were brave enough to make a move on this boy and have it not jeopardize our relationship friendship spaceship, I'd do it. I'd tell him the truth. Mitch, you're my best friend and I love you more than best friends. I love you and I'm so petrified to admit it becaue I like how things are with us. If I told you I loved you and you dind't love me back, it would tear me apart and make things weird. I mean, I would force mysel to go back to normal and forget about it but I'd NEVER forget about it. He's perfect. THe way he always looks at himself in his mirror or phone camera to fix his hair. His high voice and girlish laughter when I rickle him. The way he yells and gets SUPER defensiove when I tickle him. How diva he can get on me. The way he looks in my sweaters. I've seen him naked before, since we're best friends and it's bound to have happened, and I had to turn away becase my face turned nto a tomato... not an actual tomato but you get the point.

Anyway, so this is my journal. I'm in love with my best friend. Anyone have any advice?

-SCOTCH <— was that my name? Who cares. It's Scotch.Cause I'm drinkin scotch.