See Through

16 - SCÖ

Later that night, Scott found himself torn. He couldn't decipher why he'd thought of Mitch while he was with Alex. He began to realize that Mitch was always on his mind. Yes, this boy had been a major part of his life since they were ten, but he'd never truly admitted to having feelings for him. He didn't even know when those feelings generated. All that he knew was that he had a serious problem. When times got rough, Scott turned to Mitch for advice and for comfort. He couldn't for two reasons: Mitch WAS the problem, and Mitch wasn't even there.

Scott glanced at the clock and noticed that Mitch would be arriving at D/FW Airport around that time. He waited for Mitch's text as he stared at the wall. The room was quiet, yet Scott's thoughts matched the decibel of one of their concerts. He grew a headache and needed to get things off of his mind. He quickly got up and grabbed his Mac Book from his room and brought it into the living room. He set it down on the coffee table and opened up his journal and his fingers typed ninety to nothing.

—-

I SCREWED IT UP. I'M SCREWED UP. Screwed. It. Up. God, how could I have been so stupid? So, I'm going to go ahead and just type everything that happened here. If anyone cares to read this, don't bother calling me out on it because I'm fully aware of what I did. I screamed another man's name while I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. MY BOYFRIEND. I doubt I even have one anymore. I don't deserve one. God, I'm so fucked up. The fact that I did this opens another can of shit. I get it. I've been falling for my best friend but have thought nothing of it because I knew he didn't feel the same way. And, what happens? I find his songbook and he's got some beautiful and dark poetry and he's got things about this guy he's been in love with since he was a ten year old or something like that. THAT'S ME. Now I'm sitting here thinking I'm stupid on more than one level. I'm stupid because I haven't even been faithful to my boyfriend. I mean, I wasn't really official with him when I kissed my best friend over a month ago. I figured my best friend had forgotten about it. We were both drunk and I just wanted to do it. I needed to do it. AND NOW I KNOW WHY HE DID IT. Was he even drunk? I feel like I was more drunk than he was!

—-

Scott stopped, his hands already cramping and throbbing with the intensity of his key strokes. His eyes filled with tears out of anger. He couldn't sit and have this battle with himself. It was going to drive him mad. He figured he could call Avi and ask him for some advice. It was really hard for him to not go straight to Mitch.

Scott dialed Avi's number and waited while the phone rang. A few seconds later, a breathless Avi answered the phone.

"Aye, Scotty!"

"Avi?" Scott listened closely and heard giggling in the background. "God, did I interrupt something? I'm so sor-"

"No!" Avi laughed. "Kirstin Maldonado, stop it." Kirstie was tickling Avi on her couch, just being innocent. Their relationship was still fresh. "What's up, Scott?"

"Man, I just need to talk to someone. I'm having some real issues right now." Scott bit his lip gently and put his elbows on his knees. "Are you free any today?"

"Well, I was just about to leave Kirstie's. I can come over if you want?"

"If it's not too much trouble..."

"Not at all. Give me ten minutes."

"HI, SCOTLAND!" Kirstie yelled into the phone.

"Hey, K!" Scott smiled for a split second.

After Scott hung up with Avi, he sent a text message to Mitch, just in case he'd forgotten to text him.

Scott: Say hi to mom&dad grassi for me!