Shadows of the Underworld: Love and Redemption

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My stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots.

Dammit, I might throw up! Control yourself...you've gotten over this nervousness once, you can do it again. Are you that weak? He just looked at you! Shit, I hope this isn't showing on my face! Keep it together.

I pinched myself on the two inches of exposed skin on my side to contain my thoughts. Never have I ever been so shaken up before. This is a first for me.

He's about to pass. I'll get a good look at him up close.

Just as he was about to pass me, one of the male crew members walked right between us blocking my view. Imagine that.

What the? Move you damn cracky bat! Mooooovvvveeee! Ah shit! I hate this. I wanted to see him close up and you ruined it. Maybe I'll pass him after the shoot is done. I know I can't say anything to him but I can probably try to maneuver in a way that gets me close enough to get a good look at least...This is so stupid! Look at you standing here plotting to get close to him like some kind of criminal. Girl, you are ridiculous!  

Mentally I was laughing at myself and not paying attention to the set at all. Hadn't even realized that they had started shooting until the person in front of me walked out. I blinked hard and collected my thoughts. It will be my turn soon.

Turn.....it.....off.

I shut out everything that was making my mind race at that moment and all of my nervousness ceased. Over the years I've managed to train myself through all of the messed up hell that I'd gone through, to create a mental switch. Once that switch is flipped I can turn off my emotions. It's a dangerous thing, and I don't use it often. Only in extremely stressful situations or physical altercations. Diane doesn't like it. She says that it's like I'm no longer human, and that part of me can get me into some serious trouble or can take someone's life. Even knowing that side of me she still loves and trusts me knowing that I will never hurt her.

"You're next." Said the director. I nodded and slung the tactical backpack to my bare shoulder and walked out into the dining area. Memorizing where Fae had sat, I casually walked over in her direction passing other tables including Park's. I didn't look at him though, that would have been way too obvious. Continuing on my way, Fae looked up and smiled at me. I made my way to her, placed my backpack down in one of the empty chairs, and sat in the other.

"Did I tell you that you look like a total badass in that outfit?" she whispered.

"Oh stop it now," I whispered back. 

"I'm serious. You look like you belong in a movie where you're some type of professional assassin or something."

"You know, you're the second person that said that about me today."

"See, we're on to something."

"Yeah right," I said scoffing. "You think I can pull something like that off? No way."

"Have you seen yourself? Your body says it all. You look like you can tussle with a six-foot man."

You'd be right, I can, and have done it a few times... but I won't tell you that though. 

I smiled at her. "Can you stop making me blush in here with all these people?"

"Only if you admit you look like a movie star."

I ran my tongue along the inside of my bottom lip. "Alright," I said putting my hands up, "you win. I look like a movie star. Thank you."

"Oh please. Don't thank me. Thank yourself."

"Thank you ...self?" I said raising my eyebrows at her. She put her fingers over her lips and silently laughed.

"I'm definitely hanging out with you sometime. After this, let's exchange numbers."