Shadows of the Underworld: Love and Redemption

Socializing

My last day for shooting is tomorrow. So for today, I'm hanging out with Fae since she texted me all excited. It wasn't planned. Just a spur-of-the-moment situation so we'll be winging it today. I wanted Diane to go with us but she had to go to Jewelz since she hasn't found a replacement yet.

Maybe I'll go over there today and harass her. Since she can't come with us, we'll go to her.

I took some time and straightened my unruly hair. Since I'd forgotten to put my bonnet back on last night, my hair looks as if I'd been tussling with the devil himself. At least it won't be as bad as when we did it yesterday so that's helpful. After straightening it, I wrapped and pinned it and put on my bonnet.

As I took a shower my thoughts got away from me and explored the furthest corners of my mind.

Is Melody right about Park? Does she like him? I mean that part is obvious. Was that the reason she said it? So she can keep Park to herself? It doesn't seem like he's into her though. Could it be possible that he likes... me?...No. I... I refuse to believe that. I'm not on the likable side. Relationships wise people don't seem to stay. Is it because I look masculine? Is it because of the way I behave? My reckless driving? The way I dress? The fact that I get into problems with other people? Fighting? The fact that I like anime?... Can it be all of those? Do I have to change who I am? I don't want to. I've done it once and it made me happy. That's why I'm like this. Was I wrong? Should I have stayed the same? Are they just pretending to like me just because they want to be nice? What if they don't? I'll look.....like an idiot.

Tears mixed in with the water from the shower. This hurts. 

Smiling and laughing with people who don't give a damn about you. Only Diane might mean you well. Then again you don't know, maybe she's only tolerating you just because she pities you. You love her, but does she love you? Does she even want you around? She has a business that's successful and is saving up to buy a house. She doesn't need you, you don't have or offer her shit. All you do is lose job after job. You barely have any money saved and are always scraping to pay the utilities and food. Diane handles the rent because you can't. You're worthless.

The sound of my wailing was drowning out the streams of water hitting the tiles. Being like this sucks. I don't know why I am the way I am. Or why I think the way I do. It overwhelms me and I break down every damn time. Most times it's not in front of Diane or when she's around. However, she still knows about them or had witnessed a few. I hated her seeing me like this... and she doesn't like what it does to me.

This goes on for what felt like forever. Alone in the shower with my thoughts overloading my mind and breaking me apart. To think...that a person who looks like me would be a mental mess. 

Finally, at the end of it all, I was able to gather myself up and get out of the shower to get dressed. I put on my underwear and contemplated putting on my bra, but threw it aside. Checked my phone for messages and saw a few from Fae and Diane. I gave them a quick answer and continued putting on my clothes (bra excluded of course). My outfit is a pair of low-rise, black spandex pants with an open section on the right leg that had a star on it, long sleeve black fishnet shirt that cut off at the midsection. A black tube top that has buckles for straps that goes over the shoulders. Last is a pair of spiked heel boots. These things probably have a thousand buckles going up the legs. But that's me for the day. Pink fanny pack included. 

After I finished getting ready I applied some makeup to hide my puffy eyes, and my signature lipstick and took my bonnet off. Shook out my hair and sprayed it, styling it with my fingers. Done! Time to go out of the door. I messaged Fae and agreed to meet her at a park that was close by.  I got into my car, put on some music, and drove over to the park. Fae was already there. When I pulled up, she stood up and waved in my direction. I guess she noticed me from the sound of the car.