Always In My Head

Chapter 13

Sofie and Ben's hope on Mortis was quickly extinguished when they left the planet. They were reminded of the reality of the outside world. The First Order was eventually defeated by the Resistance but they would still need to be officially disbanded. Although the forces led by Hux initially resisted, Ben's new training was hard to defeat.

Ben and Sofie resolved to believe that a neutral position in the Force could be pursued. They both believed that if Ben had been led correctly, he would have never been manipulated by Snoke.

Despite Ben Solo's offerings for reparation, the galaxy seemed to agree that Kylo Ren needed to properly and fairly pay for his crimes. The only challenge was balancing punishment and his ability to be an ally when convenient.

Eventually, an agreement was made. A Republic of Free Planets was reinstated as the government. Ben would assist in any military-related requests without question--even dangerous ones. He would be required to stay in a stationary, guarded place. Visitors and monitored visits outside were permitted, but limited.

The restrictions were uncomfortable, but Ben knew that it was due justice.

The universe gave him a punishment of its own when he returned to a galaxy without his mother.

Ben and Sofie were both devastated, but it was Lana who seemed to be the most impacted. Her grandmother who had essentially raised her alongside her own mother was now suddenly gone.

Although he was no replacement for his mother, Ben took the opportunity to try and be the father that he needed when he was Lana's age.

Initially, Sofie and Ben's relationship was different. They both cared for each other deeply, but once the euphoria on Mortis passed, reality began to set-in.

Resentment and hurt had been building for years between them and their relationship was far from perfect. Their relationship began as co-parents, not lovers— or even friends. Fights and long conversations were frequent and necessary.

Their biggest fight happened just a couple of weeks after the events on Mortis. The culmination of events had caused tension between them to increase.

Sofie was glad to see the Ben she knew again, but she also found herself struggling to separate Kylo Ren from Ben now. It was a natural reaction, but she found herself suppressing the feeling instead of confronting it.

She kept herself emotionally guarded, that is, until she had finished visiting with Ben in the military center he was being temporarily kept in while the new Republic decided the details of his "release".

The visit was primarily to discuss what Ben knew currently, and their plans for if he was ever released.

"How's Lana?" Ben asked towards the end of their conversation. Sofie smiled slightly, she liked it when he asked about her.

"We're making sure she's ok, but I think like all of us, she doesn't like the changes. I can't imagine what it's like to have war as your 'normal'," Sofie said nervously.

"Well, there's a new normal now. The most we can do is just try to move on," Ben replied. Sofie frowned, his words had rubbed her the wrong way, but she couldn't place why. She tried to form the words to reply to him but found it difficult.

The problem wasn't with Ben not apologizing. It felt like he was apologizing every day.

But no matter how much he apologized, Sofie struggled to separate the Ben she knew now from Kylo Ren.

Sofie and Ben shared a long silence, until Ben finally spoke up.

"Are you okay, Sofie?" He asked her which caused Sofie to snap back to reality.