Dear Diary

11/15/21: I Did This To Myself

     Dear Diary...

          Back in 2019-2020, I was grounded for 7 months because stress was getting to me & my bladder decided to YEET self-control out the fucking window + my grades weren't good enough for my parents.

          & guess what that happened?

          I basically started pissing myself & wasn't going to the bathroom when I needed to, especially if someone was using the bathroom at the time.
It had been happening for over a yr & only then in my freshman yr did my parents finally decided to do something about.

          When it was Labor Day weekend, my stepmom got the bright idea for me to start wearing diapers & to always use on those pads dogs piss on whenever I sat down on any piece of furniture that wasn't my bed.

          I cried when I had to put it on & stomped on it while in the bathroom before reluctantly putting it on, knowing I'd get myself into more trouble if I didn't.

          Each time I'd piss myself just a little on any piece of furniture, my stepmom would freak out & make my dad clean the couch & chairs while I had to clean my mattress with a bucket of soapy water.

          Each time she'd freak out, I'd almost cry from how mean she would be & ik that it wasn't entirely my fault since I was struggling to handle the issue.

          Over the course of the 7 months, there would be less & less instances where I'd urinate myself. She could understand the times where I wasn't able to use the restroom because they either weren't available or I wasn't near any.

          I was feeling very proud of myself for that, but got nervous when I ran out of diapers during March of 2020. Ik that I could've asked, but I was always afraid to ask for more cuz of how often my stepmom scolded me & because of how often I had to change my diapers during those 7 months.

          I noticed that I had some extra pads left, the ones used for when a person is on their period, so I decided to use those for a while. When I finally ran out, ik that I would have to be on my own for a while.

          It wasn't much of an issue during March, so ik that I would just have to hang in there until I've finally resolved the issue.

          In early April, the issue was finally resolved & I was proud of myself.

          I didn't start venting to my internet friends about serious things until about January earlier this yr.

          When late spring to early summer came along earlier this yr, I decided to vent about what had been going on during the time I had been grounded.

          I was grounded before I had even met the ones I vented to, so I was a bit afraid to find out how they'd react to the whole thing. I was surprised when they defended me & thought that my stepmom was the asshole.

          So this was what it's like to have people genuinely care about you? I was honestly really happy they didn't say anything to defend my stepmom & I ended up feeling more comfortable with venting online in general.

          Honestly? My mental state had only gotten worse than it had been when I was first grounded, this time I actually have people to talk to when I'm feeling upset.

          Now... Now I feel like my vents aren't serious enough or that I'm just whining since ik people have it worse than me. Then I remember that, while people do have it worse, that I could try to help people where others might not.

~♡K