Dear Diary...
Idk why, but I feel like I should at least try to spend more time with my family this Easter. Just, maybe 1 last attempt to try & bond with my stepmom & stepsiblings before I gotta go to Connecticut sometime during the summer.
Idk, just... I guess I just want a somewhat normal & happy family this Easter. I'm not a huge fan of the holiday, but I feel that making an attempt could possibly make a difference. It isn't likely, but I guess there's still some hope in me that maybe I could patch up the damaged relationship between us all.
I'm already gonna have to go to the store to help my dad anyway. Normally I'd just help & that's it, but I feel like that maybe I should ask him if we could get a few things for Easter tomorrow. I probably won't cuz I'm too much of a pussy to.
Idk why I feel this way. It's like I'm attached to all of them in an unhealthy way, somehow almost feeling desperate to feel as loved as how they used to when I was younger. Idk what this is.
Maybe it's just me wanted to find some happiness during a holiday I dislike. Maybe it's just me hoping that something would change for the better when ik that it won't & that it's just a hopeless wish.
A hopeless fault of mine...
Maybe I'm just feeling lonely & that's why I feel like this. Just this overwhelming feeling of loneliness I don't remember ever getting ever since having to live with my dad.
A sense of hopelessness in search of a sense of peace. Just me & peace & hope & happiness & love. What more could I ask for that'd be too much for the world to gift me?
It all just hurts & I can't help soothe the pain. God, the suicidal thoughts are kicking in & I feel like utter shit. What's the point in trying to do something different if it won't make a difference? If nothing would change at all? It's all just so pointless.
From, K
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary
General FictionDaily rants & vents from the perspective of a queer Gen Z teen who was cursed by being born in the 21st century [[Authors note: Tries to upload once every few days]]
