Dear Diary...
Sometimes I think about my actions & overthink things. What I do/say isn't even selfish, or at least as far as I'm aware of. Ik that I haven't been hurting anybody, but I feel like I have been. Maybe I'm just overthinking about what could happen after I respond to things. It's just that, despite knowing what I should/shouldn't or want/don't want to do, I feel like in doing something wrong. Ik that I'm not, but something is seriously bugging me.
Maybe I just haven't been getting enough sleep or eating enough. Idk man. Ik that I'm no longer in an environment where I have to be afraid of speaking up for myself, even tho I still have my lil bro here to be overly sarcastic & mean whenever I try to voice my thoughts/opinions. Maybe I'm just letting his words get to me, but maybe I'm just not letting go of the crap my stepmoms put us through.
Honestly, ik that I have so much that I wanna say. There's so many words out there, but there aren't any that can help me describe all the things that I wanna say. & since I've been feeling depressed again for the 1st time in a month, ik that I'm just going numb, again.
I got out a lot of what I wanted to say back in early 2021 in a vent chat on a different platform. I've said all that I felt like I needed to say at the time. Now that's been nearly 2 yrs since then, there's simply not enough words for me to say that actually seem meaningful. I haven't cried, shouted, or let ny anger get the better of me since late March.
Even now, none of what I say feels like it's the truth even tho none of it is a lie. Or, at least I don't think is a lie. Idk if what I ever think is a truth or lie these days. As much as I'm willing to believe/trust a lot of things, ik that I'm often subconsciously questioning if any of was/is real. The more I think about things, the less I believe that therapy will help. In therapy, there has to be a mutual bond/trust & a good communication system between the therapist & the patient.
While I'm sure that whatever therapists I may get will try & form such a thing, I'm aware that I might not even try to reciprocate such a thing & hinder my own healing progress. There's so much that I don't even know about myself that might not even be helped.
I'm running out of words that could try & describe my thoughts/feelings. So ig I'll just end this lil vent right here, although I might be too apathetic towards myself to really call it a vent.
From, MK
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Dear Diary
Ficção GeralDaily rants & vents from the perspective of a queer Gen Z teen who was cursed by being born in the 21st century [[Authors note: Tries to upload once every few days]]
