Morons and Monarchs

Chapter Nineteen: Jorogumo😔

𝕴 𝖜𝖆𝖑𝖐 𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖇𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖗𝖔𝖔𝖒, 𝖒𝖞 𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝕱𝖗𝖊𝖞𝖏𝖆'𝖘 𝖉𝖆𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖒𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖆𝖐𝖊𝖓. 𝕸𝖞 𝖓𝖊𝖜 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖐 𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖊𝖘𝖐 𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖗𝖔𝖔𝖒𝖘 𝖆𝖘 𝕴 𝖉𝖆𝖘𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖔𝖔𝖗𝖘.

Only Freyja and my reflection have ever seen me with my mask off... since my coronation centuries ago. Oh, and Morana after my friend's death...

A mutilated body lying on the ground at my side, as I walk through the corridor and see my once upon a time friend lying... dead. I crawl over to her, unable to stand. And my sobbing cries echo along the plaster walls. Morana...

I squeeze my eyes shut in a futile effort to forget the memory. Even if it still haunts my dreams, my very person. It haunts my day, and it haunts my night.

An arrow...

Guilt starts to clog my airway, making sure that I will never forget the body which lay before me on that floor. During that fateful night of death and horrid flowers. During the day, which was just like the rest of my immortal life, but with a melancholy friend and sad companion by my side. The once wild and joyful Freyja, condemned to her studies of blood and gore.

"Greatness and gore, two companions against the fight of the world. They go hand in hand, and I will master why." Freyja used to explain. Trying to help me understand her odd excuses for putting silver on my face.

I look back at the mirror, my reflection jarring me from my memories and depressing thoughts. A horrible green scar mars the right side of my face, cutting through my now half-blind eye.

Freyja. A monster as a friend. As somebody to trust, but with a deal of steel to hold you against your word. To test, to try to figure out.

Only Freyja would make the Queen of Cowards a guinea pig. And honestly, I would love to say that she didn't deserve it. But she did.

And that thought makes my guilt present. The knowledge that I am no better than Freyja.

The girl who ruled over monsters and became one herself.

You are no better than her, my thoughts whisper.

But I tried to help her-

You are no better than Freyja. You are a monster; you deserve the same fate.

No, I don't. I tried to save her life; I tried to help. I did everything...

I am no better than Freyja. But I don't deserve the same fate.

I want to cry; I want to scream. But I can't muster up the courage- the strength- to open my mouth and let my despair out. To let droplets of water fall from my already tear stained eye. I can't do anything but stand here, staring at my reflection in disgust. At the person Freyja made, the once cruel, sarcastic, dark girl being turned into nothing short of a monster.

Me being turned into a monster. Not by choice, but by will.

I don't realise I am on the floor until my head hits something hard and cold... the side of my desk. I just lay there, not making a sound even though internally everything is being blocked out by screaming and shouting and memories that should not be allowed to be re-lived.

I just lay down on the ground, my head leaning against my desk uncomfortably, until finally the darkness seeps into my soul and nullifies the feelings of hate I feel for every organism and human being.

For myself.

I finally drift off to the sound of my internal screaming, and the faint whoosh of tears streaking down my face. The darkness takes pity on me and leaves my dreams void for a few moments.

And then Freyja is there. Haunting me again. And again. And again. Night and night and night and night. Till the end of my time. Till my daughter's coronation, and then I will be able to meet Freyja again.

The monster she is, but at least my guilt will be no more.