Morons and Monarchs

Chapter Seventy-One: Drystan 😴

I watch the new guard warily, Phobos's breathing heavy in my mind. 

He is freaking out,  both of them. 

"What is his name again?" The idiot in my brain demands. 

"Brishen." I sigh inwardly. 

Phobos intakes a deep breath, "Sniff him." He demands. 

Did I just... did I hear him correctly? 

"Yes, you did." A moment passes. "Just do it, or I will." I roll my eyes, but comply, leaning down a hair as if my guard uniform was messed up, and sniffed awkwardly. 

He smells of maple syrup. 

Phobos laughs in my mind, "He does, but more than that." I can almost see his pained expression in my mind as his cool voice elaborates. "He reeks of my sister." 

How did I never know Phobos had a sister? 

"I have three." He interrupts my thoughts again. 

The new guard- Brishen- continues to babble, but I hold up a hand. Stopping him. Gods, is he annoying. Can't anybody just shut up? 

I walk to the door at the end of the hallway, to the main room, but Brishen steps in front of me. 

"You know what I think we should do?" A bead of sap drips from his forehead, gross. I cock my head to the side. Waiting. "I think we should..." He looks around, as if he didn't know, and I roll my eyes, about to side-step him. "WE SHOULD PLAY A GET TO KNOW YOU GAME!" He stops me with a hand on my shoulder, and Phobos snarls in my mind. 

Territorial-winged reprobate. And gods do I like the winged parts. Flashbacks of the night before cloud my mind and if I could whistle and fan myself, I would. 

"I am here, you know." Phobos's voice drops an octave, and I can almost feel my face flush. 

"I will ask a question first," Brishen begins. Almost desperately. "If you could buy a bunch of items to make a cashier uncomfortable, what would you buy?" 

Phobos chuckles, "Can I answer?" 

"Whatever." 

"Rope..." The idiot stops for a beat. "Chocolate syrup, and condoms." I write it all down and give it to the new recruit, trying to not laugh and hurt my sewed, chapped lips. 

Brishens eyes widen and he leans closer to the paper, as if he didn't read it correctly the first time. 

"What... what is the chocolate syrup for?" He asks after a beat, and it is in that moment that I want to crawl in a rat-infested hole and die. 

I grab my paper and hand it back. 

"Not with you, I do not want to figure it out." He pauses. "No offence." I shrug, smiling a bit. 

"Suit yourself." I scribble on the paper. 

"WAIT!" He shouts as I try to sidestep him again, Phobos groans. "What is the most embarrassing thing you have done?" 

I grab the paper. "Anything, Phobos?" 

"Oh, no, My Little Nightmare, you are all alone on this one." 

Smug arse. 

"I heard that." 

"Good." 

I scribble down the first thing that popped in my head. When I was around 213 years old, I had this crush on the guy down the street. He was a Bubak as well, but Gods above was he gorgeous. Now, I was always home-schooled, so I never really stepped foot in an actual classroom. I was too much of a disgrace for that, I guess.  But during their recess break, which I memorized was at 3:30 every day, he always ran with the same group of friends. Every day they would stand beneath a willow tree that probably housed a dead Dryad from Odio. I believe it was a Thursday, but I am not for sure, but on this faithful day I had the bright idea to step out and... well, play a bit. His friends and him- Chanda, was his name- had welcomed me, teased me a bit for my eyes, which was welcome because others said it was goddess-like. It always  bothered me, those comments did.