TAINTED LOVE ▸ BILLY RUSSO

chapter eighteen - wine

I was sleeping in Krista's office, in one of the couches. Billy was on the living room, and the owner of the aparment was opening the door, and getting in. I immidiatly get up in alert, ready for whatever is coming my way.

"It's just me." She tells me and I throw my head back.

"I think I'm gonna take one of those sections you're constantly trying to sell me." I groan. "We're out of wine." I show her the wine botthe at the couches end, getting up and putting it on the trash can. "My head hurts."

"Wonder why." She looks at me and I bring my hands to my head.

"If I get my hands on Castel-" I start saying.

"Don't do that." She stops me.

"Do what?"

"Plan revenche."

"Yeah, I hope your selling hobbies too."

We're interrupted by Billy gunting. We go watch what's going on and he's sleeping, crulled down on the couch, whimpering.

"You should wake him." Krista tells me.

"You're the therapist." I remind her.

"But you want him right?"

More than anything, I think.

I get closer to him, slighly touching his arm. As soon as my hand touches him, he sits up, gasping and panting, looking for any threat.

"It's just me." I say stepping back. "You're safe." I assure him and he clams down a bit but keeps lookin around.
Krista shows up behind me and handles him a cup of water, which he takes. When he's done, he puts it down and goes back to his position.

"No, don't go back to sleep." Krista tells him and I look at them.

"Don't want to talk about it." He looks at the ceiling.

"I undertand. Don't engage the images, just the feelings." She tells him.

"I don't wanna feel it. I wanna kill it." Billy says through gritted teeth.

That makes two of us.

"Okay, the, kill what?" She asks and he snaps at her.

"I said I don't wanna talk about it-"

"Five blue things." She instructs he frowns. "Count five blue things in this room, tell me what they are."

"Okay, uhm... the- the painting." He points. "The book. The candle. The walls."

"And?" She asks when he misses the fifth object.

"Stacy's robe. It's her robe." He says the last one.

I look at Krista who looks at me with a small smile, looking at the robe I had stollen from her.

"Remember what we talked about. Pause when agitated." She says calmly. "Try not to let yourself react instantivly at your impulses."

"Why are you doing this?" He asks her and she gives him the same response she gave me. "Why didn't you call the cops? We all know they're out there looking for me. Why?"

"Just be here. Be in your body." She tells him and he nods, calming down.

"You know you could get in serious trouble, right?"

"She's used to take criminals in." I mutter walking to the kitchen, going to grab the last beer.

"Stacy." She warns.
"What?" I open it on the counter, bringing it to my mouth and walking to the window.

I was emotionally overwhelmed. Killing Frank was in my mind most of the times. Now Billy was here, and he doesn't know me. Sure, I knew this before but it's even worst than I thought. I drink. A lot. Helps me think. Process everything that goes on inside my head.

I grab Krista's computer and take it to her office, searching if Pete ​​Castiglione had been seen in any place in particular the past few days.

"This is hard on her too." I hear Krista tell him.

"She loves me." He states and I look down, even tho they can't see me. "I just remember bits. It's not fair."

"She came asking for you as soon we started working together." She tells him. "She needs you, and she really loves you."

"I know."

I go back to look for the man in the computer. Somewhere I find an article about a police station behing attacked after taking in three people. When I open it, it's gone. I spend a few seconds doing what Eve had thought me but I couldn''t find the godforsaken article.

"Fuck." I hit the table, taking a deep breath and closing the computer. Finishing my drink.

I get up and grab my bag.

"Where are you going?" Krista asks.

"Buying wine."