TAINTED LOVE ▸ BILLY RUSSO

chapter nineteen - releasing tension

I was laying on my arm on Krista's office, her open laptop in front of me. I feel someone's hand touching my back and I jump up.

"Calm down." Krista tells me and I take a deep breath. "I got you something."
The woman puts a bag in front of me and I take the box from inside of it, noticing it was a laptop.

"Why?" I look at her confused. "I had you a gun point once, remeber?"

"I do." She smiles. "I need my laptop and I don't want your obcession on it.

"I'm not obcessed." I tell her.

"Stacy, all you do is drink and trying to find him. When you do, what's after?"

"I make him suffer." I say steadly.

"How are you planning on doing that? You're gonna take the memory away from who? Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think he has anyone."

"Neither do I!" I snap at her. "First Rawlins, now him! Everything is taken away from me. It's my turn!"

"Breath-"

"I'm not Billy, Krista, don't tell me to calm down. He has to pay for what he did! He has a fucking deal while I have to be checking if Madani's about to kill me every five seconds! Yes. I executed two people after what he did to Billy, so what?" I let out what I've been wanting to for a while. "I asked him not to kill him!"

"He didn't kill him, Stacy."

"He did worse! All I asked for was Billy and I lost him."

"Castle didn't do the right thing. You're right. But killing him won't change anything." She keeps trying.

"It will for me. I'll make him regret it. I'm gonna make him beg."

"Maybe you should focus on helping Billy instead of killing Castel." She suggests.

"I'm multifacetated."

"Stacy-"

"You can't change my mind."

____

Eve, James, Juliet and Lucille were asleep while I was on the couch watching TV. Suddenly I sense the smoke reaching my nose and can't tell where it's coming from but I know it's from inside the house.

I get up from the couch and walk up the stairs, going to wake the four sleeping people.

"Hey, I'm smelling smoke." I shake Eve and Juliet from their beds.

When I notice, all I see around me is flames and I try to run away from the house as fast as I can. Eve and Juliet with me. James and Juliet were inside and Eve had burned her arm. Badly.

I could still smell the burning of everything I ever own. I could still smell the burning skin. My friend 's skin.

I look at my burning house, Eve and Juliet at my side.

"I'm gonna kill you! I'm the last face you'll see, Rawlins! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!" I repeat, my screams turning into crying. "I'm gonna kill you." I cry, my voice barely above a whisper.

I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and I get up immediately, pushing the arm in my direction, taking the gun from under my pillow and placing myself on top of whoever is trying ro attack me.

"It's just me." Billy says putting his hands up and I get off him, noticing he's only with a towel.

"I know your head's all fucked up, but don't creep up on me." I say angrily, putting the gun down, noticing I could have hurt him.

"You were screaming." He states and I swallow hard. "You wanna talk about?"

In normal circumstances I would probably hug him and cry about my friend's death. But this was not normal.

"No." I say steadily and he stays there staring at me.

I get up to get my phone's charger but he grabs my wrist, pulling me to him and crashing his lips to mine.

I instantly kiss back, missing him too much to think it through. I don't do it for long. When I come back to my senses I push him back.

"What the hell was that?"

"I want to remember you. I need to remember you." He confesses and I put my hand on his arm, slightly pushing him away.

"This is not the way to do that, Billy." I say softly. "Maybe we should just start over, yeah? I uhm... I don't know if trying to get you to remember what we were will do us any good."

"I want to love you. I... you waited for me. No one has done that for me before."

"I couldn't leave you here."

"Even after what I did? I shoot the cop in the head."

"You fucked her too." I mutter and he looks at me confused ."You should have killed her. It would save us both a shit load of trouble." I mutter. "I know what you did, Billy. And believe me, shooting Madani wasn't even close to the other shit you did."

"Then tell me-"

"No."

"They say I shoot Curt-" He starts to get angry and I snap at him.

"You shoot me too! Fuck, you saw me get tortured and it took me almost dying for you to stop it! Even then, I was on your side!" I yell at the man in front of me. "It's not only about you! Sure you don't remember, but I was forgotten for the person I gave up everything for! I only had you! Now you see what I have! I'm fucking living with a therapist and being wanted by everyone in this fucking town while everyone else gets their perfect ending!"

"I didn't get a perfect ending!" He yells back.

"Well, they did!" I yell and we just stand there, panting. "Fuck this." I mutter before grabbing his face and smashing my lips on his.

His hands grab my hips roughly. Our hands were all over each other's bodies as if our lives depended on that, and in that moment, it felt like it.

Billy starts to walk to the room but I stop him.

"I'm not fucking on Krista's bed." I say into his lips and he chuckles, throwing me to the couch.

His hands sneak under my shirt and I lift my back from the couch so that he could take it off me easier.

"Is this okay?" He asks as he reaches for the button of my pants.

"Very okay." I nod and he smirks.

Like always, when we finish, we're in the middle of the ground.

"Did I hurt you?" He turns to look at me and I take a deep breath.

"I thought that was kind of the point." I reply, getting up from the floor and trying to find my clothes.

"Did I change?" He asks and I turn to look at him, frowning.

"Not really." I reply. "Get dressed Billy. I'm not interested in hearing Krista's pep talk if she sees us naked in the middle of her living room."

He gets up and puts his clothes back on as I do the same.

Fuck this.