Moving On and Letting Go

CHAPTER 2 - Where To Begin

Narrarator's POV:

 Ziva continues walking through the house, thoughts running through her head of what she should have done, what she should have changed, what other path she should have taken and if this is the right choice for her, and every time she reminds herself that she had to follow her gut, her heart and listen to her list she wrote with Tony to honor everyone back at NCIS.

Finally, she realizes that walking, thinking, and going down a deeper hole of self-pity wouldn't do anything for herself or her goal, so she goes to bed before making a final decision of her next steps.

Although, that wasn't the best night sleep she's ever had she had to try. She woke up still doubting her decision but knowing that the past is the past and she can't look back now. So she gets out of bed and get started on the new day; she pushed the complicated thoughts aside – yet another habit she has become accustomed to using– and made food and ate out on the balcony where the early morning wind could rush across her face, the rising sun warming the room with the delicate colors as she decided where she should start. 

To start the furthest back possible, the beginning, where it all started, she needed to look in her father's old files hidden away in the back study of the family farmhouse. These files had both personal information, Mossad information and detailed notes written by Eli David, basically every single file Eli has touched, written, or seen. It's a good place and any to start so she went into the box from the year she was born. Of course, it being Eli there was no index, no hidden personal letter to future Ziva, but that was not who he was. It still would have been nice though.

She skipped through all the files labelled Mossad, passing by case files, hiring guides, or case notes, that was not what she was searching for at the moment. She thought she was going to have to look somewhere else until she reached the very bottom of the box; finding a mini folder labelled: Ziva David.

Knowing that this couldn't have too much inside since it was from the year that she was born didn't help much with the anticipation of what her father may have written inside. Will it be his wishes for her future, memories from the day she was born, name ideas, or who knows what else, her father was not the easiest man to predict.

Ziva took a deep breath before opening the file and what meets her eyes, but a very organized file labelled The Day in Hebrew on one side and on the other The Plan in Hebrew. She took a second to decide which one to look through first before choosing The Day.

Therewas a Hebrew handwritten page reciting the events of the day she was born withher mother going to the hospital, Eli getting the call, him rushing to be byher side as Ziva came into the world, it was surprisingly touching for Ziva topicture that day and how her father sounded like he treasured those moments.She read the page twice over making sure she got every detail before movingdown to the next page where there was her mother's hospital bracelet, a littleHebrew prayer, her name, and her tiny handprint and footprint, a little tinyscrapbook page saving things from that day. Knowing her father though, hedidn't make that her mother, Rivka did. But still, the thought that her fatherkept it even in a box all these years was nice. She made it to the last pagewhere she found a picture that she had never seen before, not in her childhoodphoto album, at family reunions or birthdays – it was a picture of her motherin a bed, obviously exhausted but overjoyed holding a tiny little human wrappedin a light pastel pink blanket, asleep. Beside Rivka there was her father, alot younger, and a lot happier looking down at his new-born child with a lookof pride that she's never seen her father have. Was he really ever proud ofher? If so, why did he never say so? Why has she never seen this picturebefore? Ziva looks at the photo for a long time before flipping it over to see,in her father's handwriting, I love you in Hebrew. And that was enough to makethe Mossad mask fade and the tears fall.

Ziva lets the tears fall, part of her new resolution of not covering up with Mossad techniques. Once she regains her composure, she looks over to The Plan side and sees the header: Before in Hebrew. Underneath that she reads name ideas in both her mother's and father's handwriting, phone numbers, the doctor's name and what to bring on the day. Nothing surprising there but she still has more reading to go. Next up there's a plan for after she was born with Eli, of course not taking any days off and organizing who would help Rivka. Then an interesting paragraph meets her eyes: Ziva's future. 

Ziva takes a deep breath before reading what her father has written there. And what meets her eyes but her father's ideas of her future with Mossad training, personal training, his plans for training her personally, and what level he expects of her. She looks away disgusted, here her father has written down plans full of violence for a baby, a innocent baby who doesn't know the world that he's pulling her into will slowly destroy her. Unfortunately, there was no next page to redeem her father, no hidden picture, no note, nothing.

So Ziva takes the file, makes a new box, so that she wouldn't read it over again and be reminded of her father's plan. She has taken the first step of understanding that will hopefully make progress towards change. One day down, who knows how many more to go.