Moving On and Letting Go

CHAPTER 8 - You need to stop

A/N – Just a warning for readers this chapter will include alcohol abuse, not too too much but just a warning if you wish to skip this chapter.

Elaina's POV:

After leaving Ziva's place that day, I was happy, but a part of me twinged with jealously. She had always wanted to be a mother, and I also wanted that for myself, but here I am, her with a baby and me without one. I never will have one. I smash the mug I was holding against the wall.

That stupid case. That stupid partner. That stupid guy. A stupid story.

As much as I've urged Ziva to share the deep and the dark, I won't tell her this one.

I was working undercover trying to stop a arms dealer from hurting innocents, when everything went bad. We had gone into this case with not nearly enough information and naïve me thought that would make me stand out as the officer who could get the job done no matter the information she received, but that came to stab me in the back. We had no information on the crew, the second buyer that was there, nothing. So I posed as a buyer with only the information on the supplier, I was there to destroy the supply chain. It came as a surprise to me when the supplier was doing a double deal with 2 buyers and 2 sets of merchandise. And that second buyer was the problem. Everything was going fine, I was keeping track of the supplier, my partner was watching the second buyer, we were about to witness the hand-off, I was about to make my move on the supplier when....

The other buyer decided to take the merchandise for a spin, and eliminating any loose ends in the process, and I was one of those loose ends.

And that's why I don't trust partners easily, and that's why I reached for the whiskey.

I have always been one to drink, and tonight I DRINKED. I had glass after glass after glass. The pain was wished away, the burning sensation down my throat quickly became numb. I had done this before, previous traumas. But I have been doing better, but something about tonight was different. I could feel myself slipping faster. I was nearly incoherent when my phone rang.

I contemplated whether or not to pick it up, and of course who was it other than the person who made tonight miserable, Ziva. I pick up with an annoyed "What!?!" "Geez, did I catch you at a bad time?" "What do you want" I stated. "I just wanted to ask you if you want me to bring some food over for you, I have too many leftovers and I want you to try it." "Fine." "Ok!"

Either the pregnancy is messing with her people skills, or she just ignored my annoyance, probably the latter. At this point I don't even care if she see's me drinking, she knows I've drank a lot before. So, I kept drinking.

And drinking and drinking until the bottle was empty. As soon as I take the last sip straight out of the bottle Ziva knocks. I yell come in, I'm not sure I would make it all the way to the door without falling over. She walks in and immediately notices the empty bottle and asks.

"Was this full?"

I shrug and reach for the other bottle in the cabinet.

"Elaina you have to stop!"

"Don't even start."

"I know what you're going through- "

"NO YOU DON'T."

"Elaina, I'm just trying to help."

"Ugh that's rich coming from the all-knowing Ziva." I say sarcastically.

Ziva drops the patience. 

"Ok I thought I could go the easy way, but I guess you're not in the mood. I'm taking all your alcohol, you're going to bed, and in the morning we're getting you help because apparently you're not as good as you say you are."

"I don't need help."

"That's what I said to you. You need help for this, I don't care how independent you are or how stubborn, I am getting you help." She said firmly.

"Whatever."

"Bed."

"Fine."

I go into my bedroom to get away from Ziva and reach under the bed to get the bottle of beer underneath.

"Give it to me." Ziva somehow knew I had one there, I'm done arguing with her.

"And the one in the dresser."

How did she know?? I hand it to her.

"Anymore?"

I shake my head.

"Good, I'll see you tomorrow."

She can be so annoying sometimes. I fall asleep not looking forward to the "help" in the morning.

In the morning Ziva comes pretty early, "Have you eaten yet." She asked, the mother side coming out.

"Yeah" I lied.

"Then we're good to go."

"Where?"

"To get you help."

"I told you I don't need it."

"And I told you, I'm getting you help."

We drive to a nice little bungalow ten minutes away from my house. We walk in and we're met with a lady painting in an office living room.

"Nice paint, these are quite good and smooth on the right canvas, which I see you've gotten." I say.

She turns, "I see you know your paints."

"I like art."

"Me too, it's still and calming, and lets my mind wander, but stay focused."

"Yeah."

"You must be Elaina."

"I am."

"Hello, I am Maryam, help." (mary-am)

I turn to Ziva, wanting an explanation.

"Maryam is helpful to talk to."

"So, a therapist." I say, not impressed.

Maryam joins in with, "I'd rather not be known as just that, but yes I talk with people, help them with the mental pain we all go through, and am a listening ear to those willing to speak with me."

"Ok, no offence but I don't need it."

"Ziva has told me about your past and your drinking problem."

"She had no right to tell you that!"

"I am good at keeping secrets."

"Still."

"Just talk with her." Ziva says.

"I'll keep it in mind." I mutter. "Can we go now though?"

"Fine." Ziva replies. She mouths a thank you to Maryam.

Ziva drops me off at my place and goes home. I think about what she said, what Maryam said and even what I said to Ziva. I might talk. I don't have to say everything. I could.

A/N – Yay, backstory on my OC. Sorry if that ending was weird, I wasn't even planning on having Maryam as a character, she probably won't appear too often, as I have fun things planned, but she was created and so she is in here now. Also that entire thing was just based on other fanfics I've read with people with alcohol abuse problems in a different universe, so if anything was wrong, I did my best guess. Thanks for reading!