Turn My Grief To Grace

"i can't think straight"

Smutty goodness. Am I going to apologise? No.

Kai Bartley

I can recount the day easily. I do so many times a day for my own pleasure. I muse over the events and intricate details and sayings of this one day for hours at a time, so much so, my work has suffered. I won't change it though. I have solace and connection and spontaneity in this memory. I will hold it and replay it for as long as my brain remembers.

It started like most days. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my routine. If I didn't, it wouldn't be so engrained in my body. I am simple like that. The monotony means I can travel to work on auto pilot and spend more time in my head, pondering a neurological break through, or perfecting my acceptance speech for the Catherine Fox awards I'm bound to win. Usually, anything that breaks me out of my routine pisses me off (for lack of better words), but bumping into Amelia Shepherd- Doctor, was more of a pleasant surprise than irritant to my schedule. She was flustered. The heat to my cool. The chaos to my calm. And I just loved it. I loved that dominance I held over her with my composure. Despite beating me to the lab, it appeared she had sprinted there to do so.
I placed my jacket and rucksack down on the floor next to my chair slowly, feeling Amelia's eyes on me as she caught her breath. I toyed with her, bending down to straighten my coat on the back of the chair, giving her a perfect view of my ass.

"Good morning Dr Bartley." She smiles once we locked eyes. Of course, she flicked her gaze away, downwards, when I upturned my mouth into a smile.

"Surely we're on a first name basis." I smirked, to which Dr Shepherd replied that she found it easier to remain professional when she was addressed as such. I struggled to contain a snigger.

The sexual tension between us was there undoubtedly. From first meeting, I'd say it was apparent we were obsessed with each other- in fact, I sometimes wonder whether Dr Grey brought me on especially as a little something for her sister. The only thing that held me back from making a move was the ambiguity of Dr Shepherd's sexuality, and her nervousness around me. I knew she'd been in a committed relationship with a man for a number of years and they had a son together, because I'd caught Amelia sniffling over a text from the ex a couple of times. Of course, She'd shrugged it off. She's a stickler for professionalism.

"Today is going to be hard." I mused, looking at the flushed attending. "Would you like to come crash at mine later- save you that walk from the hotel?"

Amelia scrunched her eyebrows and I smiled a devious smile, but I soon portrayed a gentleness when it became apparent that Amelia was nervous. I knew she knew what I was implying with my invite.

"You can say no." I said seriously but Amelia replied with "screw it." And "I could do with some relaxation."

You won't be getting much of that, I thought.

We spent the day running various tests on cells and fine tuning our injecting technique. To an outsider it may look like we made little progress, but in fact, every element of the process needed to be perfect. That's what I've always loved about clinical trials. You have that time to go over things until you're satisfied.

"Are you ready to head out?" I asked the small brunette once she had changed out of scrubs and into black skinny jeans and her signature leather jacket. She looked good in leather.

Amelia nodded shyly. "Sure. I'm not exactly sure where your place is."

"Two blocks away." I smiled. "Walk or cab?"