Of Witches And Wolves | M. Helvar ✐

02 | Could Be In Love

The damp cell felt suffocating to them despite how far away Matthias sat from them. He sat with his legs up and head hanging low. Rowan, however, stared at the wall beside his head, not saying a word. The silence was honestly worse than them arguing, Rowan would take anything other than the silence.

They willed for Matthias to say something... but the Drüskelle sat quietly as the pair awaited freedom. The only light in the room (if you could even call it that) came from the small window by the ceiling, too bad neither of them were tall enough to see out of it to get an idea of where the hell they were.

Hours must have passed by as the quiet consumed them. But suddenly, Matthias let out a chuckle, and Rowan tilted their head at him, obviously puzzled at his outburst.

"What're you laughing at?" The question was simple but Matthias didn't answer for at least a minute.

He looked up at them, eyes clouded with a million emotions and so much tenderness, "I could be in love with someone like you," He sounded exhausted as if admitting that took all of the energy from within his body and left him with an empty shell.

They glanced away, eyes heavy from lack of sleep, "Could be?" Their voice was soft and as hard as Matthias tried, he couldn't help but like the sound of it. Even with sadness lacing their tone, he loved the sound of Rowan's voice.

But the question frightened them both for very different reasons. For Matthias, he was scared to admit he didn't want to hurt them; not any more than he already has, that is. And for Rowan? By the saints, they didn't want Matthias to say those damned words, to hear him say he could never love a Grisha, let alone Rowan.

Him and those stupid ideals that Grisha are the likes of demons that need to be washed out. That the lands must be cleansed from the magic of people with the power to save millions. Rowan hated that Matthias believed in that shite. It was silly, how a boy as smart as himself would follow after like a bloody sheep.

Rowan laughed at that thought. No sound left their lips just some air but it caught Matthias' attention.

"What?" He asks.

"I always thought of Drüskelle as wolves and not just because of your companions... you hunt us down like wolves and leave nothing but scraps behind for our families to find... but you follow after your so-called wise elders like sheep."

Matthias shook his head at Rowan, "You still don't understand do you?"

"You don't understand a thing, Matthias, you're nothing but a brainless child." They spat out.

The harshness in Rowan's voice startled him. Matthias had assumed they liked him more than that, he'd set them off many times before being locked in a cell with them, but now it seemed Rowan was a ticking bomb.

"Don't try to explain it to me, your hatred for Grisha never left, I can see that now."

"That is not true," He argued.

"Isn't it?" Rowan sighed, "How is it not true, you've just admitted it. You could love me if I weren't Grisha, you could love me if I weren't me, you could love me if we weren't made out to be enemies from birth! But you can't love me so long as I am me and you are you." Their eyes shined with tears as they collapsed back against the wall. Rowan's chest heaved as they caught their breath, turning their body away from Matthias to obstruct their view of him.

He didn't say anything but wished he could find the words to explain how he felt. Matthias was never taught how to express his emotions or thoughts out loud. He never felt the need to because those around him always understood how he felt. If he was angry, his friends could tell, the same with sadness or disgust, it was easier with them.

At least with his fellow Druskelle, he understood what he felt, but with Rowan, he felt like he was drowning. No longer was the ground frozen below his feet, it began melting the moment they stumbled into Matthias' life. Soon, it would be a slush, half water, half ice... Matthias knew he was sinking the first time he laughed at Rowan's horrible humor. And now? He couldn't breathe.

It filled him with such a profound feeling of confusion how easily he'd become his own person when separated from his... what would they be now? Family? As they once were? He knew that wouldn't be possible, he'd befriended a Grisha... the enemy. But Rowan didn't feel like the enemy... they felt like a friend even, despite all of the fighting and bickering, Rowan was better company than some Fjerdans.

Matthias sighed quietly, "I'm sorry," What else could he say? He hardly knew what he was feeling or why he chose to apologize... but it felt better than leaving Rowan with nothing. After everything, they deserved some kind of response. Especially knowing that without them, Matthias would surely be dead.