The Depressed Life (Book of Poems, Quotes, and Rants)

Part 235- A Glimpse Into My Head: Medication

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[So many things have been on my mind lately. And I'm going to write a few of these in the next little bit because there is just too much to cover.]

I don't know if any of you have experienced this.
So as you know I am going to the doctors to "deal" with my mental illnesses. The first appointment I was expecting it to be long, to be asked how I'm feeling, how I've been coping...but no. It was a five minute appointment and the doctor just prescribed me with medication right away; Zoloft. Now Zoloft is the most famous, I guess you could say, of the anti-depressant drugs. Because of that it works for 80% of people. Of course, I'm the 20% that it does not work for. In fact, it did the opposite and left me shaking every minute of the day.
I went back to the doctor and he gave me another medication to try, pristiq. It worked some voodoo magic on me. This was the worst of them all. It made me insane, it threw me into extreme mania. I was acting reckless, skipped half a month of school, and at the end of the trial I was thrown into bed rest due to them. So as you can figure, they did not work.
I thought that would for sure be the end of that, they will try me with another form of treatment. But no.
I started a new drug called trintellix. This was my favourite of them all. Although it made my insomnia comeback for two weeks and permanently worsened my anxiety, it did not worsen the mood in any way, but it did not help either. So that was done for as well.
I don't know what's wrong with me. 95% of patients would have responded to one of the drugs, why didn't I?
Going through this horrible process has damaged me psychologically. 1) I feel defective because no medicine has worked. 2) It was hard taking medicine that would help me because I use to abuse prescription drugs to get high and harm myself as well as attempt suicide. (I get sick at the thought of taking pills)
I am completely confused with life right now. I am going to see some specialist in a week about medication or something. I don't even want to try anymore, I don't want to be a person who needs a specialists.
~Maiya