Fox and Fawn

day one

elain

day one

"It's about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you."

― Nora Sakavic

Carry You -- Novo Amor

  Elain had arranged the tea table in the river house's greenhouse (a modification for winter months) with the precision and thoroughness of a strategist setting battle plans on a map.

The cucumber sandwiches closer to Lucien's side of the table - because she'd noticed when he attended dinners he was more fond of vegetables and savory foods than sweets. She angled the handle of the mint green tea pot sideways so that both of them had easy access to the tea - the honey nearer to her side of the table as Lucien always seemed to take his tea black. Baked goods prepared with the help of Nuala and Cerridwen (so that they couldn't be considered a 'mating offering') decorated the rounded table that was dressed in white linen. Each one made with no small amount of consideration as to Lucien's tastes.

  And above, the grey sunlight of winter was pouring in through the lattice slats, providing the perfect amount of warmth and light, despite the bitter chill just outside.

  Truly. She couldn't imagine a more beautiful setting for this first... meeting?

  Something felt strange about referring to it as a courting since Lucien had only agreed to participate after she had begged. Begged . Had she ever begged for anything in her life before this? Perhaps... But not that she could recall. No doubt Lucien would assume she was not familiar with the concept. While he was aware that Elain had shared in the Archeron's era of poverty, she highly doubted that he considered her a victim. If she was being honest though... Neither did she.

  Her stomach churned with guilt. She shoved the sensation down and forced herself to focus on the task at hand. Winning Lucien over. Stealing that heart she could hear beating. That she could feel tethered to hers. Strengthened through the bargain they had made.

  It must have struck him as odd that she had been so vehement that they did not break the bond after years of ignoring it.

  Gods, she hoped that he didn't ask for an explanation. She hoped he would be content to see it as her making a desperate gambit for romance. 

  It was true, Elain had warmed to Lucien and had a growing desire to know him better -- to give what they had a chance. That was largely what had driven her to seek him out Solstice morning and beseech him. Another part, a significant but slightly smaller part, was urged by the vision she'd had when he'd left her in the parlor two days ago.

  A vision of herself rejecting suitor after suitor for the remainder of her eternal youth - then eventually dying... alone. Unwed, unmated, unloved. Her greatest fear. Being left by herself. Leading a life without love.

  It was a simple ambition, Elain thought as she lowered herself into a chair, to want to be loved by someone. To want someone to see you and then care for you anyway. Despite your flaws and your past and your ugly bits.

  The desire to be loved... It felt a bit embarrassing.

  Feyre wanted adventure - to make a difference and create art.

  Nesta wanted to be understood - to be admired and have a purpose.

  And Elain - she wanted a life of romance and flowers.

  Dull. Simple. Unambitious. Some might say.

  She often contemplated if it was truly so surface level, her wants. Perhaps there was more meaning, more depth to her hopes. Perhaps she wasn't so boring. Perhaps the most interesting thing about her wasn't her seer magic or her talent for gardening. Perhaps she was complex.