Fox and Fawn

day two

lucien

day two

The greatest act of courage is not falling in love But, despite everything, falling in love again.

- Robin Wayne Baile

Like Real People Do -- Hozier

  A walk through the snowy woods that lined the outskirts of Velaris. It was a simple idea for an outing. One that was traditionally chaperoned in Lucien's experience. But regarding the wreath of roses inked on the back of his hand, he supposed nothing about what they were doing was traditional. There was no standard decorum for deciding within a week whether to break a sacred mating bond or not.

  Gods, six days now. Five after today...

  And he was already feeling weak in his resolve to move forward as planned. To rid himself of his bond with Elain Archeron and move on. Because at the end of all this he would need to choose that difficult decision all over again. And Lucien wasn't sure he could make that hard choice twice. He had to though. He had to. He had to shove down that hope bubbling in his blood and resolve to say no at the end of all this.

  Lucien paced the mouth of the forest trail, the snow crunching beneath his boots.

  Carry out the week and then move forward as planned. No matter what. You cannot live forever wading in her ambivalence.

  But she had been so open with him yesterday. She had put forth such an effort to - for lack of a better word - bond with him.

  Still, Lucien did not owe her his heart for a moment of vulnerability. No matter how much it had endeared Elain to him to know that she was aware of her imperfections -- to know that she had a desire to change. To know that in a way, she hated herself just as he hated himself. 

  "Well, do you feel a similar shame then? Is that what you're saying?"

  "No. I don't."

  It had only been a partial lie. While Lucien was in possession of a similar self-loathing in regards to his desire to be loved, his shame was rooted deeper, and was likely more well-deserved. But he wouldn't disclose all those details to her. Not ever.

  So, today, he would simply make an effort. He would be open. Answer any questions she asked.

  Well, unless she asked about Jesminda or why he had fled the Autumn Court. His heart seized at the memory, a buoy of sorrow rising up in his stomach. He quickly shoved it deep down. Those memories couldn't resurface today. Not for centuries if he could help it...

  That was the boundary to set. No talk of Jesminda. Anything else Elain wanted to discuss was on the table.

  "The forest is—"

  Lucien nearly jumped out of his skin as Elain's soft voice stirred the once silent forest air.

  He exhaled slowly, gathering himself, then faced her.

  Eyes dancing with amusement, Elain crossed over to him, the sky-blue winter cloak she wore rustling against the damp snow. "The forest is lovely in the afternoon... was what I was going to say." She looked him up and down. "I didn't take you for the skittish type."

  Lucien arched a brow. "I'm not skittish. I'm just not used to being sprung upon..."

  Elain laughed and Lucien thought it may be the prettiest sound he had ever heard. " Sprung upon? I didn't exactly sneak up on you. I spotted you more than a minute ago. But I suppose you were too preoccupied with your pacing to notice."