You and Me - together

who is living in the past

As I entered the classroom, I saw him but he didn't even look at me. I don't know why he hates me so much, I only gave him love, I took care of him, iam there for him everytime he needed. I have always been his best friend. But now he looks me like iam a stranger. How can I show what I did to get close to him. Because I love him.
I always wanted to say this loud but I never dared to say.

"hey, are you okay!" Jordan tapped his shoulder making him come to consciousness.

Damon looked around and adjusted his bag on shoulder "yeah iam good" he walked towards his seat and sat.

He looked beside Alec who was writing something in a book. "Alec!!" he called but Alec didn't respond. He called a few times again but didn't get a reply.

"I know you don't want to talk. But we still have to finish our project. you already skipped so many meetings. At Least let me tell you what I did, I completed forty percent" he said.

"you don't have to mention you are doing it all by yourself. This is our project so we do it together. Meet me at the library" Alec said, he didn't even look at Damon.

"Library!!"he asked.

"it's there or not. Iam not coming anywhere with you" Alec whispered and typed a message to Magnus to come late to pick him.

The time passed and their classes were finished. Damon took the opposite seat of Alec at the library and opened his laptop while Alec was flipping through his book pages.

"I thought about the idea and these are my points and introduction, what do you say" he said turning laptop towards Alec.

After a few minutes they both got comfortable with each other and concentrated on work. "Yeah, but what about material" Alec asked.

"just sort everything out. I can get them" he said because he knew Alec was never gonna come with him.

Alec nodded his head and continued his work. After a few minutes he looked up and saw Damon's eyes filled with tears.

He looked around if someone was watching them and then asked "hey, why are you crying".

He took tissue from his bag and gave that to Damon "what happened".

I learned all my life or at least I have listened since childhood 'boys shouldn't cry.it will show weakness'. Men always have to be strong and shouldn't show tears in front of others. But I like to show my emotions and I only show them to my loved ones. That's why most people don't know what Iam suffering from.

And here am I, watching him crying. why is he doing this? Is he wanting to show others i'm bullying him or is he playing something with my brain to trick me. "Please tell me what happened. everyone watching us" I asked nervously.

"I wish I told you before him. I wish I could express my feelings before Magnus does that stupid thing. I love you so much, I couldn't get my head straight. If I look back at what I did that day, I feel awful and you are hating me for that. I can't take it" Damon mumbled, his voice so low, Alec barely listened everything.

"it's okay, I forgive you. we can be friends again but I can't love you" Alec assured.

Damon wiped his tears and said "if I expressed my feelings before him, the places would be different. God, I was so stupid and lost in self doubts".

"what!! There is no choice between Magnus and others" he said and continued "even if you expressed your feelings, our relationship wouldn't last long, because I always attract to Magnus"

He smiled thinking about his boyfriend "Magnus! He is always attractive. Attention seeker, he wants people to talk about him. He can't do anything without causing problems"

He chuckled remembering past incident "you know when he found out he is bi sexual, he caused so much problem to his father. I can't remember fully!! when we were at the function, I don't know whose. I think Magnus was fourteen or thirteen, he stood up on the table and asked everyone to listen to him. then he declared, 'mom, I want to say something, I have this feeling and I can't get it out. So iam confessing it. I have crush on my maths teacher and everyone thinks iam stupid, please help me mom'"

"and I quickly laughed and said 'he is a boy, you like boys too!! but I saw you with Helen at a coffee shop. she gave me chocolate also'" he thought deeply

"I'm just eight years old I think. me and Jace love to irritate Magnus and I don't know anything about relationships. His mother handled the situation very carefully…. no matter what he does, he is Magnus Bane and after knowing he likes boys,I do have a little crush on him but don't know about who I like or what I am at that time"

"He is not my choice or options. I always love him blindly. It's just I didn't know that until the day he kissed me. That's the day I started to realise my true feelings. Me and Magnus are completely opposite and always think differently and that makes my relationship more beautiful. I always admired him for his bold moves, how he can say what he wants to anyone, even his parents. Everything about him drives me crazy…." he stopped saying when he saw Damon's expressions were changing.

"the point is you have to make peace with this. you have to understand that iam happy with Magnus. And there is no possible way for you. I love Magnus more than myself" he said.

"yeah...I know that. I don't know if he loves you the same or not" Damon said looking down at his book.

"he does, I know him more and I know how much he changed for me. leave Magnus and me for a second. You should concentrate on yourself" he said.

Damon looked up and asked "what about me!!".

"I think it's time for you to move on. I know it's not easy for you and iam sorry I couldn't feel same way about you. You will find your soulmate, just like I found my Magnus" he said and  rested his hand on Damon's hand which was on the table and continued "you can't hold your past when your future is waiting for you. forget me and what you feel about me. It's going to be hard but you have to. help yourself,  iam sure you can do this. don't live in the past. you have to think about your future. Iam sure there will be.…."

His words were stuck because he was giving advice about what he got in the past years from everyone. 'don't live in the past' was the word Magnus kept saying to him for almost more than a thousand times. what he was doing, he didn't understand anything and suddenly his phone buzzed.

"I i...I should go, bye" he picked his bag and everything and left in a hurry.

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