This Is Not A Goodbye

chapter 9: feelings

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I feel sick watching all the blood and and sweat in that room its suffocating sure I wanted to look like an intimidating badass but I can't all the blood made my head hurt I'm so frustrated trying to find my dads killer

Whenever I'm frustrated I sit in a dark room with air conditioning on and my headphones blasting in my ear on full volume and I just escape from the real world it feels so nice

I even let out the tears I had been holding back  I know its kinda weird but its my feelings and trust me when I say its a lot of tears I hold back so much so many times that when I do it not one or two tears that I shred its a whole pool with alot of grieve

I get my headphones pulled and my unexpected luck I saw Adam god he isn't supposed to me like this

"why are you not listeni-" he stops realising that I was crying

"why are you crying" he says in a soft tone

"nothi-" I said wiping my tears from my face and sitting up I don't want to tell Adam he will only make fun of me like my cousin

"Don't lie to me cutie what re you crying"

"its nothing Adam just leave it alone"

"its not nothing tell me maybe I can help" I feel sincerity in his eyes

"I can't" I said getting up from the bed only to be pulled down once more by his strong arms with him on top of me his silver necklace dangling from his neck his arms above my head and us staring at each other

"tell me what's wrong cutie"

"it's just my way of being free" I said while his sweet eyes travel Through my body

"I know what'll make you feel better"

"really what?" I ask and his hands trail up the side of my body causing me to gasp a little and then he laughs

"come on"

"where are you going"

"you'll see"

***********
I got into the car with Adam and we drove to the bridge where we first met didn't expect him to bring me here its kind of surprising we got out the car and sat on the lever Looking at the view of the city is really calming

"this is my way of escaping" he says pulling out a cigarette I pulled it out his hands and threw it

"what the hell was that for"

"that's bad for your health didn't your mom ever tell you that"

"no she didn't cause she is not alive" and I regretted what I had just said I feel so bad for him

"oh...Adam I'm sor-" he sits me off

"its okay you didn't know"

"what...happened to her" I said scared to ask

"I killed her" and my mount dropped

"she died giving birth to me" he says and a sigh of relief leaves my mouth

"Adam you didn't kill her why would you tell yourself that"

"because my dad says so"

"well your dad is an asshole" I blurt not realising what I just said he turns to me and a smirk appears on his face

"good I think so too" he said Turing back to face the view of the city

"well what about your dad?"