I'm Fine

10

The night is lonely, dark, and cold.

My mom and dad had went home moments ago, leaving I.

"Oh my God," I drag before shutting the television set off.
What little light the television was giving has disappeared.

The night outside the window looks bitter cold. Much like the inside of me.

I've always thought I was going through a phase in my life where things weren't good for me, and this would pass. Unfortunately, that phase turned into life.
It's more than a phase.
It's reality.

What sucks is I have to do this alone. No friends, or what I thought were friends, from school care. Jace cares, and we had only just met.

I like it alone, yet I don't. It's nice, and quiet. But if I'm alone too long, I could go insane once again.

I flip the tv back on just for some background noise.

As I flip through the channels, there's a knock on my door.
"Evelynn, it's the nurse."

"Come in," I sigh.

"I'm your nurse for tonight. My name is Jane." Nurse Jane says as she writes on my whiteboard. "How are you feeling?"

"Lonely," I say honestly.

"Oh, dear, you'll be better one day. I promise." Jane checks my blood pressure, temperature, and a few other things.

"I don't believe it. The majority of people who have been like I am committed suicide. And that's what I want, because I know I'll always be like this. Always," I whisper the last 'always' and wipe my eye.

"Evelynn, can I share something with you?" Jane says as she stands at the end of my bed. I nod. "When I was sixteen, I was just like you. I thought I was garbage. No one could, or would, ever love me. I was one step from dying. Literally, one step. It was summer break and my family and I took a trip to the Bahamas. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay home and die.
One night, my parents went out to a ballroom dance party thing, leaving me alone at the hotel. My brother had met some friends that night, and went off with them somewhere. I was a lonely freak with no friends. I was socially awkward. It was a little past midnight when I had this amazing idea I thought I would accomplish.
I climbed the stairs, you know, the fire escape ones, I climbed them the opposite way leading to the very top of the hotel. I looked around before I got off the stairs. I wanted to make sure no one was around. Once I seen it was clear, I jumped to the roof. Yeah, it scraped my arm pretty bad, but I didn't care. It would all be over soon anyway. I walked around the roof multiple times, deciding which spot would be the best to fall from. Sorta like trust fall, only trusting the ground will catch you, then murder you," Jane sits in the chair opposite my bed. Her face stiffens as she talks about the memory. "I chose the perfect spot; where I will fall on the highway so that if the fall doesn't kill me, a car will. I stood tall, smiling my last fake smile. I closed my eyes, walked to the edge of the roof, stuck one foot out. That's when I heard it. "No! Don't!" A male voice behind me. I was startled, nearly falling to my death, which I wanted. He pulled me back on him. Me, being a bitch, I slapped him. I didn't know the kid, I didn't know why he cared.
It was dark and the only light there was was the glow from the street light. I cursed at him way more than I should have." She begins to laugh. "He questioned me, as did I him. I told him my plan, he told me his. We both wanted to die so badly. He saved me, as did I him. Right there, that very moment under the street light, I showed him my scars." Jane rubs her thighs, and arms. "He showed me his. I fell in love on top of a hotel building at sixteen. Four years later, we met up again, and got married. He was from Florida, and I was from Oklahoma. I was 20, he was 21. We had our first child, a boy, when I was 23. My husbands name was Jacob, our sons name is Cody." I notice she said 'was' instead of 'is.'

"Wait," I crack, "what happened to Jacob?"

"He was a fine gentleman. After we had our second child, Alexia, he was killed in a car crash." A tear Falls from both her eyes. "I never remarried, and never plan to. He passed when Alexia was ten. Now, she's 16, your age, and Cody is 22, he's a spitting image of his father."

"Did Alexia get to know Jacob?" I ask

"Oh yes. She was, and still is, a daddy's Girl. Times are rough, but she manages."

"I'm so sorry, Nurse Jane. I didn't mean fo-"

"Don't apologize. I felt God sent me to be your nurse to tell you this story. My experience. Honey, don't you ever tell me, yourself, or anyone else you can't make it through because you can. You're a very strong lady, and you will make it." Jane hugs me, then leaves my room.

I turn the tv off again, and lie down. Letting it sink in. If she can do it, I can, too.