we're just best friends | wroetoshaw

twelve

me and faith ran up the stairs, practically racing each other and knocked on ethan's apartment door.
"well you guys couldn't be any later" he laughed.
"sorry bout that cel got asked by people to take pictures and had to buy a dress"
"we're only 10 minutes late ethan stop your whining" we walked into his apartment where he had all his filming gear set up.
"okay so we're gonna be doing best friend vs girlfriend type thing"
"wait you got me to be the best friend, not harry. ethann i know nothing about you"
"neither do i and i'm dating him" ethan quickly nudged faith and she laughed.
"harry didn't wanna come he was taking his new girl on a date" faith quickly turned her head and death stared ethan and that's when i realised he didn't know about anything that happened. he shot a confusing face and me so i told him the whole story. including the part where i believe i'm in love with him.
"cel i'm so sorry i didn't know faith doesn't tell me fuck all"
"it's okayy i don't mind it's taught me to move on and restart my love life, i need to not get so caught up on people. and before i can properly love i need to learn to love myself" they both gave me warm smiles and pulled me in for a huge hug. i loved these two so much.
"okay now that's all over with let's start the video" ethan lightened the mood.
it was all going well faith was only ahead by one and there was only one last question.
"just remember cel i can't lose, i can only draw."
"okay okay faith we'll see" i replied putting my 'game face' on. she stuck her tongue out at me and we both laughed.
"okay last question, whose my celebrity crush and faith it's not you" she huffed. how the hell was i supposed to know that. fuck. i'm just gonna guess.
"okay turn your boards round." i turned it round and it wrote " gigi hadid"
"okay cel she's hot, faith did you seriously put angelina jolie, she peng but gigi all the way." i cheered i had drew and i didn't make a fool of myself.
"that's it for today thanks for watching and looks like i got two real ones. byee" ethan closed down all his cameras and we all laid back in the sofa.
"you guys can stay here tonight if you want instead of you driving back?"
" no it's fine i'll leave you two for some private time" i winked at them, i knew they hadn't done it in a while and it would be respectful if i left. they waved by to me as i walked down the hallway towards the stairs. the stupid lift was broken. i was out of breath by the time i got down.
i was walking towards my car when i heard harry's voice.
"millie your the most beautiful girl i've ever seen in my life you know that right" gosh that hurt. i turned the corner and he was full on making out with her. i quickly turned back round and ran the other way towards my car. fuck. shit. he truly had moved on. it was all a lie what he told me before. in the hospital, in my bed. did he lie then? i struggled to put my key in the hole when trying to start my car, tears streamed down my face and i cried. i couldn't stop. i was so in love with this boy and i couldn't even tell him. i was nothing but a "best friend" to him. his love for me was gone, and my love for him was only growing stronger. the more i thought about him the more it grew. but it needed to get weaker, i couldn't let some boy get in the way of my happiness. he didn't deserve me i told myself even though i knew it was fake. i flipped down my mirror in the car and looked at myself. what an ugly bitch i was, why would he ever go for me. pimples covering my face, big nose,  thinnest lips ever. and that's all i thought of myself, i was just an insecurity. i felt no prettiness anymore, no more love for who i was. i was just ugly, but i can grow to love my insecurities. and that's when my overthinking stopped. multiple things came into my head at once like a huge confusing wave. i just say there and stared into the road. my brain was puzzling and didn't help. i just needed to be free. so i drove and didn't want to return no matter what. i needed to learn who i was before i could let anybody learn about me. i didn't know where i was going but i went. but it all hit me. why was i running away because i saw him with another girl? he was happy and so should i be. i won't let a boy take away my happiness from me. what was i doing, what am i saying. i just can't take it anymore.

hi guys! if that last paragraph is confusing it supposed to be lol. celeste is overthinking and her brain is confused by a load of events happening to her so she goes over everything. if it makes no sense and it probably doesn't  just ignore it lol and lemme just say she overthinks about everything and doesn't think she can take it anymore. but she realises one person can't take away or ruin her happiness so she decides to overcome it and beat the voices in her head who are tearing her apart. that kinda makes a lil more sense i think. anyways thank you for reading sorry for not doing an authors note in ages. love you guys forever and always !!
from iz xx