Algernon Black

(Chapter 139) Ageless Memories

You'll have to stay here. A woman's voice spoke to Selice, as she placed the minuscule weight of a bag with only the barest of necessities onto her shoulder.

I don't have the means to keep you and you got better luck begging for food here than anywhere else. Selice couldn't see the woman's face. It was a blur as was most of the long-ago memory her dream was formed from. The woman was some distant relative of her's, a sister of her father. The one that had died alongside her mother when she was to young to even remember their last name.

I really am sorry. She had said as she peeked down at Selice's big gaping eyes before leaving her alone in the overrun filthy city streets of Etilia's capital.

Her aunt's figure quickly disappeared into the pandemonium masse of shifting bodies. Selice hadn't even thought to chase after her, she just stood there motionless as piercing static plunged her mind in a state of mind-breaking shock, until a voice broke through.

Are you ok child?

Before, when Selice had tried to recall the man, his face had been lost to the years, but now it was clear as day with his image fresh from Attwood's ball. But only memories were supposed to stay frozen in time, not people, and her savior from days ago looked as young as he had the first time, he saved Selice fifteen years ago.

No, Selice had whispered back, too stunned by her situation to even really process it. I've been abandoned because I'm not a boy. She had said, straining to make sense of the trauma. If I were born a boy, I wouldn't have been abandoned. And she truly believed that might have been the case, that her aunt may have kept her if she were a boy to work on the farm, or the palace would have taken her in as a servant. But really, she only used her gender as a scapegoat to account for the rejection, because it was easier than coming to terms with the fact no one in the world cared about her.

Does that make you sad? The man had asked, perhaps because she displayed so little emotion in her state of grief.

It hadn't hurt so much, not until he asked the question, then it felt like a monumental piece had been ripped from her chest.

I wish I was born a boy. Selice had cried, squinting down at her small hands, still too young to even apprehend the true difference between a man and woman. I wouldn't be alone now if I were born a boy.

Would that solve all your problems? The man had asked.

Selice nodded her head.

He got on his knees before her, drawing a necklace from his brown coat. The silver of the metal caught the light, sparkling as he set it over Selice's shoulders. She glanced down at the little bird and branch inscribed on the heavy rectangle and glimpsed her reflection, but it no longer showed like her face, but that of a young boy.

Then for as long as you so want to, you can appear as a boy. The man said.

What do you want for it? Selice had asked, in the soft voice of a child.

A happy life for you. As every child should...

A happy life? Selice repeated.

One where you won't be abandoned. He said, smiling down at her. By those you love and those that love you.

The man's smile started to warp into a sideways grin until she recognized it as Loy's. His face became Loy's as well, a young Loy grabbing her hand and hauling her around the castle as she told him to leave her alone. He would dismiss her protest with a playful smile, the lopsided smile that had remained the exact same all these years, saying he would never leave her alone. Not in this lifetime.

Another memory morphed from the last. A few years later, two servants of the palace were gossiping about how odd she acted. They said she looked too feminine to be a boy and even refused to bathe with anyone else around and thought about bringing the matter to the king.

Selice hid behind a wall with her anxiety clogging her throat. She was trying to find the words to convince them not to when another voice cut through the scene.

It's strange you think that. Loy had interrupted, when he was only thirteen and freshly through his first bout of puberty. When I've never seen such a well-endowed young man in my life. He had said, sashaying into the conversation as confidently as he had faked it at the time. Of course, I only saw it because Selice is my bath attendant, and bathes after me. He so effortlessly lied. But I wouldn't suggest asking to see it if you aren't very secure in your own manhood. Loy finished, strutting away from them and their shocked faces.

Selice didn't go out and thank him for the lie or ask him why he had done it in the first place. She had just stayed hidden still.

The image flickered to more memories of her past with Loy. Her quietly tinkering with a machine by one of the fountains, Loy jumping in, and getting her soaking wet, her shouting at him as he dragged her in and laughing at her attempts to fight him off. He had pinned her into the shallow water with his hand resting on her waist when a curious expression crossed his features. Like he had just made a remarkably intriguing discovery. Selice continued to pout up at him, as Loy stared down to the silhouette of Selice's body thoroughly outlined by her soaked clothes. His hand instinctively started to travel up her waist and towards her chest, looking as if he wasn't even aware of his actions. Selice had been so startled by the tremble the touch elicited that she froze, silently panicking that Loy would reach the newly formed pools of fat on her chest and expose her secret. She squinted her eyes shut, praying she wouldn't be caught, but Loy stopped himself right before his hand reached her chest. His darken eyes darted back to her own as his hair dripping beads of water fell near her eyes to mix with one of her silent tears.

Don't cry. Loy had said before Selice even realized she had been. I would never do anything to hurt you, Selice.

She had looked up at him with questioning eyes, wondering what the emotion those words were spoken with meant when Devane happened upon the scene. He scolded Loy for bullying Selice and gave her his own robes so she wouldn't catch a cold as she walked back to her bedroom.

She had turned back to look at Loy, who was still staring at her with that newfound expression. Now she understood what that gaze meant, and knew Loy had seen her as a woman for much longer than she herself had felt like one. But that gaze began shifting as Selice looked more into the memory of it, still remaining as Loy's eyes, but now glowing a blaring red.

He became that monster of Loy she had witnessed butchering people at the ball. His hellish eyes trained on her, right before he swung his weapon down at her with the full force of his strength.

Selice jumped out of bed with a scream caught in her lungs. She was inside her cabin of Marve's ship, where the creaking boards and howling wind grew into the morbid screams from the night of the ball.

Selice naturally wished for the comfort Loy's presence, but she couldn't bring herself to face him since that night. She got nauseous just thinking of his mass slaughtering, and terrified to know that nightmare still existed inside of him. And she thought about the man that had saved them from the annihilation stone. Her unaged savior from years ago. She recalled Jared telling her about vessels when he was researching king Levithan. How they were imbued with ungodly magic. But magic was never something Selice understood, and after all the atrocities she had seen committed with it, she wasn't sure she ever wanted to.