By the Riverside

14: Midnight Betrayal and Lies

CHROME’S FRIEND’S WORDS reverberated inside my head as I read an article online. ‘THE FAILURE HEIR OF THE DE SILVAS’ was the headline that made me stare at my desktop computer for an hour straight. I don’t normally read articles when working, more so about famous people; wala akong interes sa kanila. Pero dahil nasa headline ang apelyido ni John ay agad na napapindot ako. And finishing the whole article made me feel guilty for whatever reason.

John and I have been almost inseparable lately as we’ve been taking our precious time to get to know each other. Yet I could still say that I really still barely knew him. Madaldal siya at maraming bagay na sinasabi tungkol sa sarili niya. Minsan nga nagsasawa na rin ako dahil paulit-ulit niyang nababanggit ang mga interes niya. Pero hindi ko rin maitatanggi na lahat ng nalalaman ko ay mababaw pa lang. Although he talks about himself too much, I could still feel this invisible mask that he was wearing. And that I was still not allowed to see right through it. Ganoon siya kamisteryoso sa akin.

Kahit nga ang mga personal niyang problema ay hindi niya sinasabi sa akin. Ako lang naman talaga ang nagkukuwento tungkol sa mga problema ko. I wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want me to worry, or that he just didn’t like other people to make a fuss about it, but I sometimes felt like an outsider. I couldn’t help but to pry.

Ngayong umabot na sa limang article tungkol sa pamilya niya ang nabasa ko, doon ko lang din na-realize na sa pagitan naming dalawa, marami akong pagkukulang. I guess I was too self-absorbed that I failed to really go out of my way to give him the comfort he very much needed.

Sabi ko sa sarili dati ay may limitasyon lang sa mga bagay na maaari kong itanong sa kanya. But now that I’ve read all those bullshits, I realized na kung ako lang din naman ang nasa sitwasyon niya, hindi ko kailanman sasabihin sa kahit na sino ang tungkol doon. It was just so . . . cruel.

I didn’t know the scandal circulating about him was this bad.

Kaya naman kahit sa kaunting bagay lang ay pinapakita ko sa kanya na hindi siya nag-iisa. Kahit average lang ang cooking skills ko ay ako na ang nagluluto para sa aming dalawa tuwing nalalagi ako sa unit niya. Siya naman ay hinahayaan ko lang manood ng MasterChef o kung ano pa mang cooking show sa sala. Tinatawag ko lang kapag maayos na ang hapag at luto na ang pagkain.

Habang tinitikman ko ang niluluto kong kaldereta ay muntik na akong mapatalon sa gulat nang bigla akong yakapin sa likod ni John. He sniffled at my neck as his arms enveloped my waist.

“You’ve been cooking for me these past few days. Be honest with me, Victoria—meron ka bang ginawang kasalanan?” tanong niya sa nagbibirong tono.

Hininaan ko ang apoy ng electric stove bago siya hinarap. Mukhang ayaw niya pa ngang kumalas sa yakap, pero nang bahagya ko siyang itulak ay nagpatianod naman.

“Bakit? Ayaw mo ba sa luto ko? Hindi masarap?” tanong ko rin sa nagbibirong tono.

Kumunot ang noo niya at napahawak sa baba niya. Hinampas ko siya nang marahan sa balikat kaya natawa siya.

“I like your cooking, Victoria, really. Nagtataka lang ako kung ba’t lagi kang nagluluto para sa ˋtin. I’m the chef; I should be cooking for you.”

“That’s exactly why you should let me,” sabi ko naman sa kanya. “You’ve been cooking nonstop in your reataurant for the whole day. Rest and I’ll cook our food. ˋDi man kasing sarap ng gawa mo, masarap pa rin naman.”

He chuckled and buried his face on my shoulder. He was really clingy. Dati kapag clingy si Alex sa akin ay naiirita ako. I somehow despised skinship. Or maybe it was just because of the person. I never really hated it; I just liked doing it with someone I was actually comfortable with. Unfortunately, the word comfort and Alex didn’t really go well together.