Say My Name [ ZhanYi ]

18

"You are literally the only one who could make me doubt every single thing."

Yibo POV

"It's fun playing dumb? Isn't it?" I asked trying my best to not cry right now.

"Yeah, so what if it's fun playing dumb huh? What do you want me to do? Confess to you and ask you to be my boyfriend?" He replied like it's nothing at all.

"Don't you get how hard for me too? You didn't leave my mind since the day I first saw you at the park and yet I'm thinking about you. But you- you would push me away and then again give me false hope before pushing me further away. It must be fun playing dumb." I completely ignored my new lone tear which fell from my eye—wetting away my face.

"Seriously? Are we really getting there? Can't you see how uneven we are. Heck, you don't even know anything about me and neither do I. And you want something more already ?" He spat as more tears fell down from my eyes.
"You know, you even managed invade my dreams and I literally kept hearing your voice inside my head every single minute. Ignore it, I can't see why you make it a big deal. Like if you aren't homophobic nor anything, I don't see why we can't have a chance. Please tell me why and I'll leave you alone and never come back. Not even for you to see my shadow," I said desperately—as the hope kept dissolving away inside me.

"Okay think we are both in so much love. What if something bad happens to you or me how would we able to handle it? Most importantly how would I be able to bare it? You don't know anything about my background and what if it cause harm to you? I don't want any future heart-breaking or nonetheless. Ah- let's forget everything, forget about me and every memory of us. You delete my number in your phone and I'll do the same. We can pretend we never even saw each other. "I sniffled and abruptly his last statement caught my attention. Soon I was smiling internally at his words but I still shouldn't have much hope, yet. He cares... but he talks without any emotion and it really scares me.
I seriously don't think I could keep talking with him without breaking down right here.

"Forget everything? Do you think it's that easy? If so I would've done it a long time ago. And what if I get hurt? I don't care not at all. All I want is to be with you and if I can do it even if I'm going to die tomorrow, I. Don't. Fucking, care." I looked at him sternly and believe that I saw a sudden flick inside his eyes. No, I wanted to believe I saw. But he remained silent for few seconds which felt like an never ending eternity to me.

"Are you in that much of a dilemma? Tell me, is it because it's not worth your time? Is it because I'm not worth your time? Does it look so much like a waste of time to you? Is it that I-" I was cut off so suddenly with a pair of lips on mine. For second I thought I froze.
It wasn't those lips which weren't from my consent,
They were what I have been yearning.
His soft pillow like lips was all it needed for me to have a small smile erupting already. He kept moving them so slow that I didn't want to move mine, not wanting to mess up his rhythm. But eventually I was kissing back and I felt as if it was the most passionate yet soft kiss I've ever had. Too much to me dismay we had to break due to lack of oxygen. Even so, I had thousands of questions yet to be answered.

He looked into my eyes as if he was staring at my souls before running away to god knows where.
To say I was bewildered was an underestimate.  I was beyond confused and shocked at the same time that I forgot to ran behind him and ask what the duck was that. When I broke away from my trance he was already out of my vision. I started there replaying every single word I said and every single word he said.
I gave up after trying to understand whatever he meant by this and started going back—defeated. How could he just run away like that? Wait..was he confused just like me? Or was he regretting..

When I reached home, I walked straight into my room not bothering to wash nor do anything. I didn't even knew why tears were streaming down my face anymore. I saw it was already one in the morning and I should be sleeping right now. But every time I close my eyelids the sensation of his lips was what I felt despite the sadness I was feeling.

A sudden realisation hit me like a tsunami as I sat on my bed-wide awake. That night where I got wasted,
'It wasn't a dream nor a hallucination of my mind....we had that make out session in reality and and I was too drunk to realise.'

Zhan POV

I haven't gotten a peace of my mind since last two days and I was forcefully put into a vacation due to my absence in present and being irresponsive at work time. I couldn't help it because I would be cringing at myself for that night and would want to go back in time other than anything.

I was feeling like the biggest coward while sitting on the floor of my bedroom. The white-like walls only made it easier for me to remind myself of what I did.

I sighed and got up from the floor, giving up the thinking. I swear if he didn't come I wouldn't be suffering like this. Or perhaps I did like him..
A rush of emotions kept overwhelming inside me and it gave enough adrenaline for me to walk outside the house and made my way towards his house. 

When I was in front of his door, scenes of someday played inside my mind—arousing me a little. Nervousness started to spread inside me and it made me want to walk away without hitting the bell.
But I knew very well that if I didn't hit that goddamn bell, I would end up being a mental patient from keep thinking the same thing everyday.

<<~>>

Yall trust me, gud stuff gonna come.