Say My Name [ ZhanYi ]

34

"I would leave before you so I can come to you faster."

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If anyone was surprised that I'm still alive—that would be myself because I sometimes wondered what the hell am I even doing without finding Zhan and telling him I didn't leave him yet.
But I was determined.
Since that day when he 'pretended' to break up with me; that moment I was on the brick of getting hit—I realised there was something going on behind the scenes. And I knew I had to put an end to it if I wanted to be with him without anything like that happening again.

I sighed after I broke my long stare at a picture of Zhan ge which I managed to get before I threw away my SIM card. I still questioned my actions till now but never reciprocate an answer.
I still haven't even called out for Yubin in month. Though I saw him from distance at the funeral of mine. Which was completely weird to stay till the end as I left there few minutes later going there just to see how would it be. Because certainly I did not want to see more further of it and not the fake tears of some people which I haven't even seen in my life.

Besides today was my one year death anniversary so I knew certainly Ge will be there in the burial. I promised myself I will not let him see me and just watch him from outside.
There were sometimes where I was this close to ruining everything. That one time foolish of me thought that he wouldn't notice me even though I wore a mask and a cap which covered pretty much all of my face. I went inside the cafe where he worked. The amount of time it took for me to find it geez he didn't even tell me properly where the exact location was saying I'll disturb him there.

He looked exactly like the way I last saw him when I went there. I stood outside the cafe peeking inside through the window of it. I was trying to take in as much of him because I won't be able to see him for few days minimum.
But too soon Zhan ge caught me. He stared at me as I panicked and took out my phone pretending to answer a call and walk away.
I could still feel how my heart beat so fast at that time.

So here I am—despite the merciless rain, making my way towards the burial. I soon saw as expected, Zhan near my burial. I saw a new bouquet of flowers resting on the cement plaque. He seemed to be far too lost in the thoughts because he stood there without an inch moving. At every second I stood there I wanted nothing more but to run onto him. I had to use my own will power to not. It's only for few days, Get a hold of yourself Yibo!
As I got the information, Haoxuan would be in the club this week.

Not realising soon that the stick under me will break with a small sound—I panicked as soon as it did because him seeing me was the last thing I wanted to happen. So I crouched down, leaning my body onto the small bush as I watched him let his eyes wonder around a bit before turning back front again.
I let out a small sigh in relief and stood up. This time being conscious enough to be more vigilant.

Neither did I or him as I guessed, didn't bother when the sun itself hide down on the clouds and the environment got darker and darker. We both just stood there without an inch moving until I decided to leave because I knew soon he would turn around to leave too. And if he did, he found see me.

The next day was a quite important one to me. I was going to go to the club and try be-friending with the workers there so maybe I can expect a little help from them. Besides I would need the most solitary room in there after all. 

I caught a good spot on a very vailed part of the club—not too exposed or highlighted to be seated. I walked around a bit and eventually went to the seat as I was calmly trying to note down the places and people calculating inside my brain until it all suddenly came to a complete halt. Reason was seeing a too familiar person sitting behind me as I took my seat.
For a second or two I was too panicked to even move. But once I regained my consciousness, I realised it was indeed him and as I remember he had a drink in his hand too.

With a thumping heart, I pondered on what to do next. Should I just sit here?
But would he stand up? and then he'll see me..
Out of impulse, I stood up and hurried my steps away without sparing a single glance back at him.
Once I took the step out of the cafe, I let out the breath I was holding. I looked back just in case to check if he had caught me and had followed me all the way here. Seeing no one except drunk people walking out—I let out a sigh in relief.

I didn't knew why it was so damn hard for me to take a step forward and leave the club. I was trying to fight against my desire to go back there and take a good look at him again. After I found myself still at the entrance of club even after minutes, I decided I'll just be careful after going back in.
So again I was inside the club trying to squeeze in through the crowd searching for him. I saw him still seated on the same seat but another bottle added to his empty pile of bottles on the table. Was I out that much of time that he even drank that much?

Shaking my head I sat on the table which was few tables away from him and watched him as he asked for another one after finishing the current bottle.

I was amused when I saw six empty bottles on the table of after watching him drink for sometime. That's when I realised that I better should go and stop him. He won't recognise me with this mask would he? Plus he's drunk now anyways.
I told to myself and walked towards him—stopping him by the arm before he poured out more for his glass.
By seeing my hand he looked at me with his hazy eyes. He shook off my hand and tried reaching for the bottle again until I managed to take the bottle and keep it in another empty table—away from his reach. He groaned and looked up at me again making me hitch on my breath as he yank me towards himself by the collar.

"You-" I gulped waiting for him to continue the sentence. I felt totally exposed under his eyes which I found no logic in it when thinking about it. He kept staring at me right in the eye before releasing his grip on my collars and standing up. I let out my breath which I didn't knew I was holding as he walked past me. After I recovered from what just happened I ran outside to find him standing in middle of the road which was totally abounded my vehicles at the moment.

I ran up to him and dragged him to the sidewalk and waited to any kind of protests from him. He didn't show any so I took him by the arm and started taking him towards his home which I haven't been for almost months. Once few minutes had passed since we started walking—we arrived at the doorstep of his house. I glanced at him and saw him still looking numb as ever as I opened the door for him which he haven't locked for some reason. Once we were inside I felt the emotions of coming back to the familiar place rushing to me. So I had to leave him and close the door behind me as I ran back not bothering to look back. Because I knew if I did, I would've wanted to go back there and never leave again.

But what I didn't expect was to see him again in there tomorrow too...

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