poetry

it only gets worse

if i could wish anything

it would be to go back to being the girl who wrote this book

nothing has ever hurt as much as this last year

i had no idea how little i would care when my relationship of over a year ended because he was an ugly-souled human being who treated me badly

and how much i would care when the pretty boy i agreed to be casual with turned out to still be talking to other girls when i saw him this evening

why did i think he would have cut anyone off for me?

did i really think that because he met me once and spared £6 on me that he suddenly cared?

why did i think i was special?

i feel sick to my stomach knowing that everything he's ever said to me was recycled from what he said to them

every time i thought i meant something to him he was just regurgitating compliments that he'd already thrown out a million times that week

every time i felt wanted, needed, i had just been one of the handful of girls he used

and the worst part is i knew this, deep down

i knew i should've stayed away, i knew this would happen, i knew i would end up hurt

i knew what i was to him

but i love him anyway