poetry

i'd rather not know how you feel (i'm afraid i would not like the answer)

the second you don't want to see someone
they are everywhere
passing me in the corridors
appearing in all my lessons
next to me in the lunch queue
in the bathroom whenever i am

and you don't speak to me
because you have no idea.
to you, i probably don't matter
i am probably just an acquaintance.

but have you noticed how i walk a little faster when i see you
because i'm so nervous that i need to go and breathe?
have you noticed how i dig my nails into my palms
so hard that there are grooves of deep red there?
have you noticed how my body stiffens and my lips press together
and my eyes cloud with tears i cannot cry?

maybe a small part of you has noticed.
maybe part of you wants to hold me
and kiss me and touch me and love me
as much as i do with you.

maybe you can't because you're ashamed
of who you are, who we are.
or maybe
just maybe
you don't care at all.