Hiding In Plain Sight

What If I Was a Second Later?

WARNING

! THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT A SUICIDE ATTEMPT !

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The aftertaste of metal contaminated Shuichi's mouth, his ears ringing from the deafening gunshot as he fired the handgun. "What the fuck do you think you're doing Saihara?!" A voice shouted at the troubled man. Shuichi opened his eyes to see Rantaro kneeling in front of him, holding the bluenette's hand in the air, causing the gun to fire into the ceiling. He stared wide-eyed at the crying greenette, his eyes filling with matching tears as Shuichi struggled to muster an explanation.

Stuttering incoherently, Shuichi broke down into sobs, hearing several rapid thuds as familiar faces entered the room. Rantaro dropped the gun to the ground and wrapped his arms around Shuichi, cradling the male's head. Shuichi clung to Rantaro's shirt, sobbing into it, terrified to let go. "Did we hear a fuckin' gunshot?!" Iruma asked, raising her voice. "The fuck happened?!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Shuichi mumbled repeatedly into Rantaro's chest.

"It's okay, everything will be okay Shuichi," Rantaro soothed before turning his head to the others. "He tried to shoot himself."

"What?!" Akamatsu shouted, an awkward tension settling in the atmosphere. The only sound was Shuichi's sobs as he continued to apologise.

"What's happening?" A disembodied voice asked from around the corner. Shuichi glanced up to see Kokichi stumbling around the corner, Kiibo not too far behind. "Why are you two crying?"

"We'll talk about it in a bit. Let's get back to the bar. Kokichi and I will take Shuichi for a walk if that's alright with everyone?" 

"Of course!" Shirogane smiled. "We'll let you three talk it out. If there's anything any of us can do to help, radio us, alright? We should talk about this tomorrow." She handed over the spare walkie-talkie to Kokichi. Everyone but the trio left the retail store, all enveloped in despairing silence.

"Can you stand?" Rantaro asked the bluenette, slowly rising to his feet. Shuichi nodded, taking a deep breath to try and calm down and he stood up on his own, stumbling slightly.

"Let's go to the stream," Kokichi suggested, taking Shuichi's hand in his and starting to walk away. Why? Don't bother trying to help me, I'm a lost cause. The words Shuichi tried to say longed to speak halted at his throat, only sniffles and hiccups escaping. You fucking idiot, you should've run further away so no one saw. Berating himself, Shuichi heard the faint trickling of water nearby, the triad approaching the familiar stream of comfort.

"How are you feeling Ko?" Shuichi asked through a whisper, his eyes not breaking from the green, beaten grass. The three sat as close as they could to the water without having to worry about the soaked soil.

"I'm perfectly fine, a little sleepy but I'll live. Now, what the hell happened in there? Why are you two crying?" Kokichi changed the subject, slipping in between his boyfriends and pulling their heads on his shoulders.

"He had a gun in his mouth." Kokichi's shoulders tensed, his body freezing as the other two stared at the calm, deep blue water. Shuichi forced a smile on his face as he imagined the water washing over him, clearing away any stresses in his mind. Everything is okay, nothing happened, just pretend you're okay and it'll go away. "You're not going anywhere on your own anymore Shuichi, I'm sorry but we need to know you're okay. If I was one second later..." Rantaro broke out into sobs, burying his head in his palms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd find me..." Shuichi mumbled.

"Do you even hear yourself right now Shuichi?" Kokichi asked, turning the male's head so violet eyes locked with gamboge ones. "You're just saying sorry because you were caught; because someone managed to save your life. That's not the way to think, nothing is worth attempting suicide!" 

"Sorry-"

"Don't apologise, you have your reasons to feel the way you do. I'm sorry for raising my voice." Kokichi pulled Shuichi into a quick kiss, shuffling backward so Rantaro could do the same.

"What made you want to do that? Maybe we can talk it through a bit, make you feel better?" Rantaro asked, his eyes begging for an answer.

"I... I'm a murderer. The number of people I killed when I thought Kokichi had been shot, just because I'm an idiot and didn't even check for a pulse. We know we aren't being hunted and killed, we're being hunted and kidnapped, and I should've remembered that. Innocent lives were taken by my hand. I've also been lying to you both, I've still been hurting myself..." Sighing, Shuichi pulled up his sleeves, unwrapping his bandages to reveal fresh wounds lining his inner wrists. "Sorry for lying, and sorry for hurting myself. Honestly, I just don't think I deserve to live anymore. Eating is hard enough, I've just lost control." Closing his eyes, Shuichi held back his tears as he felt two pairs of arms wrap around him.

"I've been there before, I ended up with a rope around my neck until Ran- A friend cut me free. No matter how shitty I thought my life was at the time though, I'll never, ever, attempt to kill myself again. It's not worth it." Kokichi mumbled, his voice quieter than usual. "You're not alone, and you're not a monster. We'll be by your side for life to remind you of that."

"Thank you... I love you both... Even though I don't deserve either of you," Shuichi chuckled. He wiped the tears from his clenched eyes, squeezing his boyfriends in their shared hug. They love me, they really love me. Surely they wouldn't do all of this just for a joke, no one would go that far. Just because Uncle is gone doesn't mean my life is over. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to live after all. He couldn't help but laugh to himself, a glimmer of hope glistening behind his eyes as his boyfriends smiled at him and each other. "Can I ask, how'd you guys find me?"

"Well, Shirogane woke us all up and said you'd been gone to the bathroom for a long time and she couldn't find you. Iruma said she also saw you leave the bar and realised you took her gun, but she thought it was for protection since you don't have one. When Shirogane woke us up, Kokichi and I panicked that you might've been hurting yourself so the entire group searched everywhere for you. Shirogane helped tremendously," Rantaro explained. Glistening tears formed in the corner of his eyes as the greenette stared at the sky.

Shuichi opened his mouth to apologise again, his words turning into a yawn. "Fuck I'm tired now," he mumbled without thinking. My mind's a mess, I don't even know what's going on anymore. The only thing I do know is that I'm sitting by a stream with Kokichi and Rantaro.

"Let's go back to the bar okay?" Kokichi suggested, holding out a hand to help his boyfriends to their feet as he stood up. Shuichi took his warm hand, glad to be so close to someone he loved after such a traumatising event. Now all he wanted was to fall asleep and forget the choices he'd made during the entire day.