Style // Sirius Black

Chapter XXIII

'I have to let you go now, don't I? You're so happy with him and all I ever did was cause you pain and harm. I'll never be able to forgive myself for the words that I said to you or how I made you feel. I never understood the merit they held with you. I thought you hated me and that the things I said would roll off your back like nothing. Instead, they sliced through your shield and left you broken and wounded under my grip.

The first time I saw you when we were sorted back in first year, I swore to myself I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. I would do everything in my power to keep all harm away from you. Little did I know that I would be the one causing you the pain I swore to keep you from. Perhaps it was my own ignorance to what it meant to love someone, but I doubt that. I think I was simply, and still am, an ignorant child who wanted to protect himself from the anguish of rejection. I never intended to hurt you as I did, but alas, the words I used cut deeper than any forbidden curse ever could, leaving you in a state of hatred towards me. Something you and I share.

I fell in love with you the first time you punched Lucius in the face in second year. It was only solidified when I watched you hex Bellatrix to the point where she was close to tears. You were so much younger than her too, so seeing my formidable cousin fall at the feet of a Potter was the best day of my life. As we grew up, the more I fell. I fell hard and I fell quickly, barely able to brace myself for the impact of the feelings.

It's always been you, Lyra. All the other girls and boys don't compare to how you make me feel. The way you smile reminds me that there is still light in the world, something that for so long I was convinced didn't exist. I was raised in a hole of darkness and hatred, but you showed me what it was like to love someone to the point of insanity.

When you walk in a room, I swear my breath is taken away every time. Whether you're fully dressed up or lounging around in your special pyjama jumper. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you're doing, every time I see you, I fall deeper in love. Your eyes remind me of a forest so dense and thick that I could get lost in them even with a map. Nothing excites me more than seeing you smile and watching your nose scrunch or eyes crinkle.

When I see you wearing Moony's jumper I feel a pang of jealousy, wishing it was mine you were wearing. I wish that it was you and I asleep on the couch, tangled in one another's arms, instead of watching you fall asleep on Remus's shoulder like it wasn't killing me on the inside. I want to be the one you're cheering for in the stands at Quidditch matches, my spare jersey keeping you warm from the intense cold as we kick Slytherins ass.

I know it's too late for me to tell you all of this, and I know I'll never get you back. I think this was another selfish attempt of mine to justify the things I put you through. Perhaps a part of me wonders that in ten years you'll find this, and we'll be able to restart what I wrecked. This isn't a confession letter or a love letter, it's one to say goodbye. Goodbye to the pain and heartache you suffered because of me and a goodbye to the love I felt. I have to let you go and allow you to fly free like the owls we send home.

I love you, Lyra Euphemia Potter. I always will.'

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The letter sat heavy in her pocket as the warm breeze of spring created a calming atmosphere around her. Her steps were slow as she and Remus wandered through Hogsmeade, his arm lazily dropped across her shoulders in a comforting way. Lyra leaned further into her friend, enjoying the quiet that sat easily in her mind.

The sun was warm as the two Marauders window-shopped, the female of the two insisting on buying the boy a butterbeer for his kindness. However, the blonde found herself unsuccessful as the two slid into one of the booths at the Three Broomsticks, laughter and music filling the empty air around them.