hurt | luke hemmings

17

TW: mentions of abuse, sexual assault, rape, and suicide

Seventeen

Kenzie

"Hey Kenz, have a seat anywhere," Ashton gestured to the area in his office to sit down. I sat down on the couch while Luke waited in the waiting room.

Ashton took a seat in the chair next to the couch. "We're just going to talk today and get a clear idea of what has happened. If you don't like talking to me then we'll find someone else, there's no problem with that. But for now we need an idea of everything to help our lawyer," he explained and I nodded. Instantly I brought my thumbnail up to my mouth and started to bite the nail out of a bad habit. "Would you like to just talk, or do you want me to lead the conversation?"

"You," I mumbled and he nodded.

"Have your parents always had a happy relationship or the opposite?"

"They've always fought since I was three, I basically raised myself," I answered, not looking at him, "my dad started to become physical when I was seven, but no one ever said anything,"

"What do you mean no one said anything?" Ashton questioned.

"It was clear I was being abused, the bruises and my mood said it all, but no one did anything or said anything," I clarified. "And I hated that, because if one teacher or adult would have just called for help none of this would have happened, and maybe I would have had a family," I sighed. "But I guess if they did I wouldn't have Alex,"

"When was Alex born?"

"I was ten, and I basically raised him too. My mom did all the basic needs, but I was really the one who took care of him. My dad never touched him, I wouldn't let him,"

"Were you happier when he was born?" That question made me think. Alex made me happy and gave me a purpose, but I guess I was never happier.

"Alex brings me happiness, but I was never happier," I explained. "I was always tired and stressed and unhappy when he wasn't there,"

"He's like a distraction,"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"How often did your dad hurt you?"

"Everyday, and some weekends he would have friends over who hurt me too," I felt my heartbeat pick up. Just the thought of it made me sick and nervous. "He would get paid, that's how we survived for so long. He got paid for that and drugs,"

"How did you go through the days after everything happened?"

"Just pushed past," I mumbled. "Went to school, then went straight home with Alex to protect him,"

"When did your dad start having everyone over?"

"When I was thirteen, that was when everything just felt hopeless. I was more upset, more distant, more hurt, and I just gave up on everything," I felt tears start to form in my eyes, "and I gave up on Alex too," my voice cracked at that sentence. I guess that sentence was the most concerning because I felt the room tense up.

"What do you mean, Kenz?" Ashton finally spoke up.

"When I was fourteen I tried to take my own life when Alex was at a friend's house because I was so sick of everything. My mom found me and called 911 and I was in a psych ward for a couple of days. When I got home I thought things would be better, but everything was so much worse," I explained. "My dad threatened to hurt Alex if I did it again, so I never tried again because of that. But more people came over and my dad hurt me more, it was all so horrible," I started to cry. I felt Ashton sit down next to me and pull me into a tight hug as I cried into his shirt. Like Luke said, he was a psychiatrist and my family, and right now he was my family.

"I'm so sorry, Kenzie," he mumbled as he hugged me tightly. "I promise you'll never have to feel like that again, you'll never deal with that anymore,"

"It doesn't feel like that," I hiccuped.

"Not right now, but it will get better starting now. I can prescribe you medication to help with your depression and anxiety, give you tips to help calm down, and you have such an amazing support system now too," he said and I picked my head up, finally calming down.

"I want to get better, I really do," I admitted as I wiped my cheeks.

"And you will, you are the strongest person I have ever met. You are so selfless, empathetic, and caring, and as great as that is you put everyone else before you. Now it's time to put yourself first and focus on healing," Ashton explained and I nodded. "We don't have to get into any other detail if you don't want to, this has been pretty heavy," he said and I sighed in relief. "If you ever want to talk though, whether it be as family or as a psychiatrist you can always come to me, or any of the guys. We'll all listen to whatever you have to say,"

"It's just hard to talk about,"

"That's understandable and no one is holding that against you. All of this is so hard and none of us can even begin to understand all the emotions you are feeling because we've never had to deal with something like this personally. That doesn't change the fact that we are always here to listen, but I am a little bit more qualified," he joked, making me giggle.

"That's true," I nodded.

"How about we work on some exercises to help you deal with your anxiety?" he suggested and I agreed. At this point, I would try anything to help that. Even though not everything was fixed in this session, it didn't change the fact that I felt a lot more comfortable talking to him about everything.