hurt | luke hemmings

18

Eighteen

"Iced almond milk latte?" Luke questioned and I nodded. We made it up to the drive thru and he ordered our drinks while I bit my nails. Once we got our drinks, he started to drive off. "Did talking with Ashton actually help? Or are you just saying that to not hurt his feelings?"

"No, it did help," I said. "I feel a lot more comfortable,"

"Good," he smiled.

"Did he tell you about anything?'

"Some of the things yes because he was obligated to legally," Luke admitted and I nodded. I wasn't upset or anything about that, it honestly was a weight off my shoulders since Ashton told Luke so I didn't have to.

"You know I don't feel that way anymore, right?" I looked over at him.

"I know, he told me," Luke said.

"I don't want you to think of me any differently," I mumbled.

"No, I wouldn't," Luke shook his head, "none of us would. This is just a good thing to know so we can be aware of the signs and help you heal from that trauma as well," he explained and I nodded. The mood was pretty tense in the car now, so Luke decided to lighten the mood.

"How about we go and get you an iPhone?" he questioned, making my eyebrows raise.

"An iPhone?" I questioned and he nodded. "That's expensive," He already got me and Alex a lot, and I didn't want him getting me anything else. It made me feel guilty when he spent money on me.

"Don't worry about the money," Luke reassured me, "I'm a doctor, money isn't a problem,"

"I just don't want you wasting it on me,"

"It's not a waste," he quickly said. "All of us want to give you and Alex whatever you want, plus you need a phone," he told me. I sighed, but nodded and let him drive to the apple store. "I know you're uncomfortable having people care about you, but we all want to,"

"It's just weird," I mumbled.

"What's weird about it?" he questioned and I shrugged. "Did your parents tell you something to make you feel guilty?"

"They said that I shouldn't have all this stuff,"

"Most of the stuff we've gotten are essentials you need," he explained, "and you deserve everything you have gotten and more. Yes, having a family brings a lot of joy and happiness, but also buying things brings happiness too, and that's a good thing. You and Alex both deserve to enjoy the luxuries of life, don't you agree?" he questioned and I nodded. "If it gets too much just let me know and we can talk, ok?"

"Ok," I agreed. We arrived at the apple store and went in, looking at different phones. Luke got me the latest iPhone and a pretty cool case, then we left to set it up at home. When we arrived home, Alex was watching a TV show with Michael while Calum was cleaning up from the lunch they had.

"Ashton home yet?" Luke asked, but Calum shook his head.

"He said he had a lot of paperwork," Calum answered and Luke nodded. "I see you got a new iPhone," he smiled and I nodded. "Want help setting it up?" he questioned and I nodded again.

"How was Alex's appointment?" Luke questioned as Calum helped me open the box.

"It was good," Calum smiled. "He actually really enjoyed it and got to talk about a lot of things," Calum explained and Luke nodded with a smile. We finished setting up my phone, then Alex requested that I go upstairs with him to play cars, so I went with him. We sat around in his room and he began to get the cars out with my help.

"How was your appointment?" I asked and he smiled.

"Good, Crystal is very nice," he smiled.

"Is that the doctor's name?" I questioned and he nodded.

"She helped me feel happier," he explained as he organized the cars in the parking garage. "I told her about how our old dad and mom were mean to you and how it was scary, and then I told her about my nightmares,"

"Which nightmares?" I questioned.

"When you were in the hospital and I was alone," he answered, which broke my heart. It only made me regret it even more. "But she said that I was safe with the guys and dad here,"

"Dad?" my head quickly shot up from the rug where I was putting the cars.

"Yeah, Luke," he clarified. "He's our dad now, right?" Alex innocently tilted his head. He wasn't wrong, but the thought of having another parent in my life just hit me. I haven't met many people in my life, and having another family was terrifying. There could be a repeat of everything, and Alex already trusted them so much, and I was beginning to trust them too.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," I mumbled and he smiled.

"Good,"

"I'm going to quickly use the bathroom, but then we can play," I told Alex and he nodded. I walked out of his room and to mine, closing the door and locking it, then opening the bathroom door and locking myself in there. I sunk to the floor and buried my face into my knees as tears poured down my cheeks. I felt my chest start to tighten, so I remembered the exercises Ashton gave me. I put my head in between my legs and started to take deep breaths. It was a little helpful, but I was still really anxious.

I guess I had lost track of time, because I heard a knock at my bedroom door.

"Sissy, can we play?" I heard Alex's voice.

"Yeah," my voice cracked, "just a minute," I knew he didn't hear me, my voice wasn't over a whisper. I heard the door unlock a couple minutes later, then a knock at the bathroom door.

"Kenz, it's Calum," the voice said. I reached up at the door and unlocked it, then Calum came in. He shut the door and sat across from me. "Keep taking deep breaths," he said and I obeyed. After a while I was pretty calm, but still really shaky. I picked my head up and rested my chin on my knees, looking up at him. "Better?" he asked and I quietly nodded. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Alex calls Luke dad," I whispered and his face softened.

"Is that a problem?"

"I don't want him to get hurt," I answered.

"Kenzie, I don't think you're scared of Alex getting hurt because you know you'll protect him so he won't, I think you're scared of getting hurt," he explained. "And that's not a selfish thought to have,"

"I don't want everything to go back to how it was," I admitted.

"None of us will ever hurt you, and you don't have to think of Luke as a father if you don't want to," he said.

"I want a family though," I wiped under my eyes.

"You will always have us no matter what, it's a weird situation and that's ok. We still all love each other and care about each other, and that's what makes a family," he told me. I nodded and sighed, letting my legs relax in front of me. He held out his arms, so I crawled over and hugged him tightly as he pulled me into his lap. He held me tightly as I calmed down more, trying to recover from my anxiety attack.