South Park X reader oneshots

Fucking Jew || Kyle X Cartmans sibling! reader

Idk anymore. It's 2:54 AM, I'm tired but can't sleep for he I am. Hope this turns out good ;-;

(Y/n) POV:

Being related to Cartman, is the funniest shit EVER! Like he always is just like 'how and I big boned and you're so so, fucking tiny!' It gets me every time! (If you don't think so idk you are 100%%%%%% dont eat at much as him unless you have some kind of ed or something idk how that stuff words sorry-) I was just so lucky to get a higher metabolism than him! But the thing is, we're both kinda of a bitch- Like I will NEVER be as bad as him but hanging around him all my life, as definitely changed my attitude.

-

"Hey fattass, you know that friend of yours that wears that green at thing?" I asked sitting on the couch next to Cartman. He is watching Terrance and Philip, our favorite show. "That fucking Jew? What about that bitch? You wanna shove a stick up his ass?" he said sarcastically. "Shut the fuck up bitch. I just think he's kinda cute that's all," I said mumbling the last part. "No fucking way asshole, YOU THINK KYLE IS CUTE HAHAHAHHA!!" he laughed at the top of his lungs.

"What's going on kids?" Mom asked walking in. "(Y/n) here, thinks KYLE is CUTE BAHAHAHAHA!!" Cartman continued as he rolled around on the floor like a skin toned cheesy poof laughing its cheese off. "OH SHUT THE FUCK UP DUMB WHORE!" I yelled back at his stupidness. "Now kids, there's no need for yelling! Eric, is it wrong for someone to think someone else looks good?" Mom said smiling. "If it's Kyle than yeah!" he laughed out. "WELL FUCK YALL IM GOING OUTSIDE FOR A WALK!" I huffed put grabbing my jacked and madly walking outside. 

-

As I walked, I could feel it getting colder and colder.

"Hey," someone said making me stop in my tracks. And, of fucking course, it's ✨ K y l e ✨
. "Hi," I said as I pushed him to the side. "Hold on!" he said grabbing my hand. "Please make it quick. I'm not in a good mood, my brother is messing with me again," I sighed. "Well I bet that's sucks. Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to go to that nearby cafe with me.
L-like a date or s-something!" he stammered out. "Yeah sure why not. Give me your phone," I politely demanded. "Why?" "Just hand it here." He shrugged and handed it to me.

Kyle unlocked it for me and I went to his contacts. I'm but my name and number in than handed it back to him.

"Text me later the time and date. I have to get back home before they start thinking I ran away or some stupid shit like that, even though Eric wouldn't even care because 'mOrE FoOD fOr HIm,' I said smirking. He laughed and said, "Thanks, I guess I see you later t-than, bye!" "Yep, bye bitch," I said smiling on my face with a light blush.

-

"GUESS WHO JUST GOT A DATE WITH KYLE!" I burst through the front door. "No. Fucking. Way. You? Getting a date? Like anyone could ever believe that," Eric said still paying attention to the TV. "Actually I have proof! He just texted me the details," I beamed holding up my phone. "Holy shit....." Cartman let out in awe.

"Eh, well good for you dumbass," he let out. "FUCKING-" I said before mom interrupted me. "Dinners really, we're having you guys favorite!" "HELL YEAH!" we both let out running into the kitchen.

Next day

I woke to my usual alarm and did my morning routine. I was wearing (whatever you want, I'm not your dad).

A few hours later I went out of my room to go with Kyle.

"Don't fuck up again dumbaas!" Cartman yelled from down the hall. "Oh, you don't know shit fattass," I yelled back. "I'm not fat, I'm big boned," he huffed. "iM nOt FAt IM BiG bOnED!" I mocked as I left the house.

When I got to the cafe, I saw Kyle waiting at the entrance for me. I walked up to him and said, "Hey, so you actually didn't just ditch me." "Nah, I'm not Cartman," he joked. We both walked in together and ordered our drinks. We talked for so long until we both had to go home.

Bonus ending:

"And that's how I fell in love with your father kid(s)!"