winter falls ━ hyunsung. ✓

xviii › again it falls, the snow falls.

for awhile, nothing filled the silence in the air but the sound of their boots and shoes crunching against the packed snow.

they ambled along at a slow pace as the cold stung at their exposed faces, so cold it burned and numbed their skin.

it was the exact kind of weather in which, so long ago, they might have found themselves snuggling together under warm blankets; the kind where they would have laid together in bed, shivering as their bodies slowly accustomed to their shared body heat, swapping funny jokes or long stories over how their respective days had gone.

hyunjin touched the tip of his cold nose as if to make sure it was still there. a question was brought to life in his throat, daring to be asked even though he wasn't sure it was his place to know.

thankfully, jisung broke the silence with a question of his own.

"how's the art program going?"

hyunjin took a deep breath, wondering how truthful he should be. at last, he answered, "i've been struggling a bit lately with inspiration. kinda hoped i'd find something here."

jisung wrapped his arms around his body as if hugging himself. he nodded slowly, awkwardly almost. "oh... have you found it?"

"not yet," hyunjin shrugged, still carrying that same styrofoam plate of cookies, probably frozen and inedible at this point.

and then the question burned at the tip of his tongue yet again.

"remember the first time you told me 'i love you'?"

hyunjin kept his eyes trained on jisung's hands, which he had dropped to hang by his sides. how would jisung react, he wondered, if he suddenly reached out and held those hands?

jisung took his time answering hyunjin's question. "of. . . course i remember. why are you asking me that?"

"we were watching the first snow together," hyunjin smiled as he remembered aloud. "you made us hot chocolate, the kind that's powdered and comes in little packages. and somehow you managed to burn it in the microwave. but i still took it and drank it, and i told you it was good."

jisung walked along slowly, his breath turning into white whisps in the air. despite the heavy topic, he seemed to make light of it by joking, "this coming from you, the one who nearly burned down my house trying to boil water for tea?"

hyunjin allowed a laugh to rise up from his body. but, that joke had hit him like a train.

jisung still remembered that he liked tea?

ah, that was nonsense. he shouldn't be getting worked up over it. they had lived together for a few months; the fact that jisung remembered a mundane tidbit of information like that shouldn't cause the reaction it did in him.

hyunjin sheepishly informed, "i can boil water for tea now, without burning down my apartment."

jisung raised his eyebrows, facing hyunjin's tall frame for a moment. "wow, really? you really have grown up."

hyunjin looked over at jisung, who immediately turned away, avoiding his eyes. the blond shoved his hands into the pocket of his jacket in an attempt to preserve warmth.

they continued along for a bit longer, each in their own bubble of thought.

the sun was hidden behind a thick blanket of clouds that allowed not a single glimmer of the sky to shine through.

"does m- he, does he treat you well," hyunjin side-eyed jisung, watching him warily for any telltale signs.

jisung opened his mouth to speak, incredulous. he looked like he was at his wits' end.

quickly, hyunjin explained, "i can't leave here without knowing that you're being taken care of. you know, the way i forgot to."

cheeks flushed, jisung closed his jaw, lips pushing into a frown. his eyebrows furrowed while he kept his eyes trained on the snow underneath their footsteps. "you... you know the way you acted was wrong, and you still don't apologize..."

hyunjin frowned pensively. "it's hard to say sorry for me. i... i didn't know at the time, that i was hurting you. if i could go back and change things, i would, sungie. i can't express how much i wish i could fix us, before we broke."

"'fix us'?" jisung stopped in place, his hands clutching the ends of the scarf for dear life, nearly choking it in his own grip. "i was so lonely, hyunjin. you left me. you chose... everything else before me."

"alright, i'm sorry," hyunjin threw his hands in the air, his chest rising and falling quickly, an expression of anguish on his face. "i'm really sorry i hurt you, jisung. i didn't know what i was doing wrong. we didn't communicate very much to each other, huh?"

jisung stared at the ground between their feet, trying to stand firm in his decision. the truth was, he'd regretted breaking up with hyunjin since the moment the words left his mouth.

but getting back together now wasn't going to fix anything. they'd still be left right back where they started, with the same problems and the same painful wounds.

he did admit, however, "i guess... i should have told you how i felt."

"and i should have helped you feel like you could tell me that," hyunjin tacked on, his eyes glimmering with hope.

slowly, purposefully, he reached out a cold, gloveless hand, seeking to make contact between them. his chest was heavy with the burden of his anguish and the weight of his regrets, but hyunjin so desperately wanted to do things right.

if only jisung would let him.

"sungie? can't you give me another chance?"

jisung bit his lip, teeth sinking into the spongy surface and breaking through the thin layer of skin due to the cold. a metallic taste filled his mouth, spreading over his tongue. a piercing pain started up in his bottom lip; a ghostly reminder of the sadness he felt giving up on their relationship that fateful day.

another chance?

hyunjin's cold fingers laced together with jisung's gloved ones.

a 1k chapter ):<