winter falls ━ hyunsung. ✓

xxiv › even if i pretend to be strong, it only makes me look stupid.

"merry christmas. . .?"

hyunjin's eyes flicked over to chris, who had spoken the jolly phrase with a questioning tone. his expression was stoic, a poker face void of emotions.

jisung felt a pinch in his throat. hyunjin had always been expressive and outgoing, so this behavior showed that something was clearly wrong.

but the two that had shown up at his door and said they were hyunjin's friends had vehemently insisted jisung was personally invited here by hyunjin.

minho had argued that showing up would be a bad idea, but jisung had been doubtful. he'd thought they could show up just for a bit, maybe bring a small gift, to be courteous and not refuse his ex's invitation.

but now, judging by the look on hyunjin's face, he was sure it had been a bad idea to show up at all.

jisung's face was warm and his body began to sweat under all his layers. the scarf around his neck was starting to feel constrictive. the boots were heavy, rooting him in place. mittens somehow tightening around his fingers.

he and minho were just standing together awkwardly, facing the room of people who had mixed feelings about him in general.

he snuck a glance at his boyfriend's face, preparing a sudden excuse so they could simply leave.

but he was taken aback by the look of concern on his face.

minho, his current lover, was subtly gazing at his ex, hyunjin, with worried eyes.

jisung clenched his fists. it was so hard for minho to show his softer side; everyone seemed to have a certain idea of him - that usually included painting him in a cold and harsh light. but, minho had a big heart, and jisung knew that perfectly.

he must feel guilty, knowing how uncomfortable it must be for hyunjin to see them. though his ex had behaved peculiarly the past few days, it didn't take a psychic to see that he was hurting.

slipping a hand into minho's for comfort, jisung shakily greeted everyone in the room all at once. he presented the gift basket that he'd picked up on short notice at the store, and then expressed that they would be leaving.

with a tight feeling in his chest, jisung watched hyunjin's face never change from the poker mask, an empty canvas that somehow conveyed more words than the blond could probably even say.

when their breakup happened, jisung was sure it had been the right move to take. their lives seemed to be going in different directions, and he refused to hold hyunjin back.

jisung looked to minho, having felt him squeeze his hand in an attempt at comfort.

chris seemed to nudge hyunjin as he spoke, "why not stay for a bit longer?"

but felix interjected, "it's okay. they don't have to stay. what if we walk you out? umm, hyunjin, are you gonna say goodbye?"

hyunjin finally made eye contact with jisung. his mouth was pressed into a firm line, but his stare depicted anguish.

this goodbye, would be goodbye forever, wouldn't it?

jisung wondered if they were both thinking the same thing.

the day they broke up, jisung was a mess.

the guilt overwhelmed him, and the pain nearly swallowed him whole.

it was insane how much everything hurt, yet not a single wound was visible on his body.

when he had first agreed to go out with hyunjin, jisung had never expected their relationship to grow so much.

looking back, he was just naive. happy, that someone had taken a sliver of interest in him.

but the more he'd gotten to know hyunjin, the more completed he felt.

while curled up at the center of the mattress that had never really been big enough for the two of them, yet somehow felt like an endless sea of loneliness that dwarfed his small frame, jisung wallowed in memories.

he remembered the day that they had started opening up to each other, when hyunjin had first confessed that he'd always had an interest in art, but never took it up seriously because he was afraid.

and immediately, jisung had supported him. but, that feeling that had sparked in his heart during that moment, was it still there?

that unbridled sense of pure exasperation and relief.

it as if they were more than just boyfriends; but rather, like. . . two halves, waiting so desperately to be with each other, and the moment they finally were together, everything fell into place.

no, that feeling, was not there anymore.

it hurt for jisung to realize how their relationship was not withstanding the toll of hyunjin's future and the effort it took for him to travel constantly.

he thought he would never love again. at least, not in the same way he had felt for hyunjin.

but then, a certain purple-haired grump stumbled into his life.

but, jisung still wondered. perhaps, there was a time in the future, when their paths would cross yet again.

surely, if they were each others' halves, fate would intertwine them over and over again.

this fic is almost over. sorry it's taken so long for this update.