winter falls ━ hyunsung. ✓

xxi › that's enough now. i don't care, go away.

it was a miserable day to be alive. the winter skies were murky and gray, and the cold wind howled stubbornly at the walls of the home that belonged to hyunjin's childhood.

had he been in his apartment, he would surely be freezing his ass off under the thin blankets that he had left balled up on the mattress.

that stupid, broken heater refused to start up. the pipes had frozen over in the cold somehow, and it was unlikely they would ever be fixed.

but hyunjin was at his parents' house, and so he was currently basking in the warmth of the working heater.

the canvas that contained chris' painting was spread on a makeshift easel resting on his lap, and hyunjin was slouched over it.

his eyes were trained on the rough canvas, his fingertips locked a paintbrush in their strong grip, and as he worked furiously in concentration, the tip of his tongue poked out from between his lips.

strewn around his contorted body were scraps of paper that had been haphazardly sketched on with charcoal and pencil. a plastic travel-size palette had been deposited to his left, containing small dollops of black, white, and purple.

he used a brush with fine bristles to steadily tap the barest minimum of paint in the center; so far, it seemed to be working and gave him peace of mind to know he'd be able to easily turn back if it looked bad.

the morning of the day before christmas eve. hyunjin had been dreading the return back to his apartment and life on his own.

of course, he wasn't totally alone. but it felt that way, no matter how many people felix and chris brought into his life. he was forever grateful for their extrovert selves barging into his quiet solitude of introverted mindfulness.

but he still felt oh, so alone.

there was a twang in his heart that sparked every time chris spontaneously checked in on him, or when felix would text him pictures of cute dogs and memes claiming he'd thought of hyunjin immediately upon seeing them.

they were so caring towards him, it hurt to realize this was how he felt.

hyunjin set down the brush and flexed his aching wrist and fingers, sighing. a tired look spread through his features as he looked over the painting with seriousness.

a smudge of a person at the center of a confusing, swirling mess. a tiny, insignificant thought, breaking through the shrouded, sluggish haze of bright and somehow muted colors. shapes were layered over each other, giving a hint of themselves before disappearing into the chaos again.

hyunjin pushed back the canvas and ran a hand through his hair, dragging his fingers through the thick locks in visible frustration.

he was sick of this melancholy, sick of himself.

the feelings wouldn't go away. he was so sad. it was too much to pretend to be okay.

so hyunjin curled up in the center of the bed, bringing his knees closer to his torso. his arms tucked themselves under the side of his face as he drooped onto his shoulder and hip, facing the curtained window beside him.

once, some time ago.

hyunjin had opened the door to jisung's apartment quietly, wanting to surprise him.

he tiptoed in, keeping his bag close to his body, and tried to make as little noise as possible.

with careful steps, hyunjin leaned around the corner, hoping to catch a glimpse of an off-guard jisung, curious.

but the place seemed empty, for the most part, confusing the brunette. not even kkami was anywhere to be found.

his steps were a bit louder now, as he looked around for jisung.

he remembered opening the door to jisung's room and catching sight of kkami wriggling happily, tail waggling furiously, in his spot beside jisung's sleeping form. he was curled on his side, feet propped up on the pillows underneath the back headboard.

kkami impatiently crawled out from his spot under jisung's arm, which had trapped him there while the aforementioned boy had been asleep. he jumped up for hyunjin's attention as he came closer, inspecting jisung's face.

hyunjin lovingly pet the dog, making coos at kkami, annoying him. but his eyes were on jisung.

with a smile, hyunjin reached into his bag and took out his sketchbook and a small, stubbed pencil, sitting down beside kkami where he could see his boyfriend's face without craning his neck too hard.

and with soft, wispy lines, he carefully sketched out a simplified vision of a sleeping jisung, who looked so peaceful curled up there with puffs of kkami's fur scattered on his rumpled work clothes.

hyunjin set down the pencil and leaned his chin into his hand, setting his adoring eyes on jisung.

why did he continue torturing himself with these memories?

would he ever have enough?