xxv › how many years will it take for me to be okay?

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it snowed that day, how fitting

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it snowed that day, how fitting.

hyunjin glared through the windows of his parents' home at the falling snow. it had been hours since he had first rushed up to the glass panes to catch the last glimpse of jisung walking away, holding his hand, not turning back once.

now there was snow covering the driveway, the streets, the sidewalk. all traces of jisung's abrupt dismissal were now blanketed in a field of white, that got thicker and heavier as time went by.

he touched his forehead to the cold glass, closing his eyes against the onslaught of horrible thoughts. this was it, everything was over.

it was a terrible idea to begin with, coming back. what was he thinking, returning solely to pour salt on the wounds of their relationship, gouging pain deeper into his own heart?

of course, he hadn't expected jisung would move on. but looking back at things, why wouldn't he?

hyunjin's shoulders sank with the weight of his self-loathing, recalling his mistakes. he had failed on his side of the relationship, so of course jisung had to break things off. he was the one that had not tried hard enough to keep him.

his breaths began to fog up the glass, melting the barest of traces of frost that had begun to collect there.

there was the noise of a throat clearing beside him before a voice suddenly spoke up, "need to talk about it?"

hyunjin kept his eyes shut, head still resting on the cold glass. with a small shake of his head, he informed chris that he did not, in fact, want to talk about losing jisung.

but chris sighed and started up a new conversation. "when we get back, i think i just might have an idea for my composition class' final project. wanna hear about it?"

hyunjin opened his eyes and lifted his head in interest. condensation from the window had collected on his forehead, and a water drop slowly slid down the side of his face.

chris smiled sadly. "i wrote some. . . you know, lyrics. . . on the way here, and. . . just right now i finally finished the chorus. it uh, turned out to be. . . a song about. . . comparing the loss of your first love. . . ah, a. . . breakup, almost? it compares a breakup to the bitter cold of winter. what do you think?"

hyunjin felt his lips quiver. a breakup, and winter. it wasn't a coincidence, was it?

"i was kinda hoping. . ." chris laughed a little, nervously, then shook his head in embarrassment. "argh. . . would you be. . ? could you. . . ?"

hyunjin cut in. "i could help. a bit. maybe."

chris brightened then, dimples suddenly appearing in his cheeks as he smiled. "that's great, sam!! you're the best!"

hyunjin clasped his cold hands together, the sadness in his chest feeling like a lump of cold, dirty snow.

but chris suddenly held out his arms, raising his eyebrows. he said quietly, "hug?"

and hyunjin leaned forward, choosing the embrace. his friend's arms felt strong around him, conveying his support with the warmth emanating from his grasp. and the sadness began to dissolve in chris' bright rays of comfort.

hyunjin nearly felt like collapsing.

felix suddenly shouted from a few rooms away, "hey!! the brownies are done!!"

chris suddenly let go of hyunjin and sent him a look with a competitive twinkle in his eye. "last one there gets no brownies!!"

and they rushed off, laughing chaotically amidst their bubble of support.

a thought suddenly burst to life in hyunjin's mind. there was no longer a curtain of guilt surrounding it.

jisung is happy. can i be happy, too?

as they entered the kitchen, hyunjin's father stood there with felix, surveying the basket that jisung had brought.

he looked up as chris and hyunjin crashed into the room, a curious look on his face.

hyunjin made a mad grab for a brownie as chris stood there admiring the proud and beaming face felix was making. he then turned to his father, hoping his disgusted eye roll had been subtle.

his father held out a piece of paper and said, "sam, this was in the basket. didn't jisung bring this?"

hyunjin faltered, staring at the lined page of paper that had been folded in half. it had hyunjin's name on the back.

he froze in place, the warmth in his body having been chased away. funny how a simple page of paper could somehow fill his veins with dread and the memory of a lonely dorm room with a broken heater.

next chapter is the last one (:

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next chapter is the last one (:

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