Someone Like You

4

Warnings:
-Slight disordered eating
-Self harm (cutting)

George's POV

After a decently calm day for what was normal for me, I was sitting in the bus on my way home again. Luckily Clay and Sapnap didn't take the same bus as me and I sighed softly, not looking forward to going home.

Honestly, my parents were great. They were sweet and accepted me no matter what, but we didn't have much money at home. I was wearing a hoodie that I bought three years ago. It was short and I wore it every day, I only washed it during the weekends so I could wear it during school days.

My parents didn't know I cut myself every now and then. I knew it was better if they never got to know it either because I was afraid to hurt them. I was sure they would do anything to help me, but that was the thing... if they figured out I harmed myself, they would most definitely want me to go to therapy. Unfortunately we couldn't pay for that...

I breathed out when the bus stopped. I stood up slowly and put my bag on one shoulder as I stepped out, quickly walking away before any bully would go after me.

That was another thing my parents didn't know. They didn't know I got bullied either. My parents barely knew anything. I had this bond with my parents that was pretty good, but not personal at all. We had fun together, they cared for me and I loved them, but I would never tell them anything about my mental health or problems.

I lived near the bus stop and I arrived at my house three minutes later. I went into the garden since they kept that door open for me when I came home.

I opened the door and walked in, throwing my bags onto the floor, grabbing myself a glass of water after that. I sighed and sat on the couch with a sad feeling. I was pretty hungry, but I didn't like eating much anymore. I didn't starve myself, I just ate a little bit less ever since Sapnap and Clay started fat shaming me.

I let out a deep breath and stood up slowly, standing in front of the mirror. It didn't take long before I broke down and I kept staring at myself with disgust in my eyes.

I stepped back, lifted my shirt up and stared at myself. 'I'm not that fat, right?' I whispered as I ran my hand over my stomach and then my hips. 'Maybe I am...'

I walked away from the mirror and reached out to grab my phone. Maybe I could start exercising more so I wouldn't be as fat and maybe even a bit more muscular? I just didn't have the motivation to exercise since I was already so tired.

I sighed softly and figured it was only for the best, looking up a YouTube workout I could follow. I turned on the first video I saw and started copying the man on the screen.

~~~

I exercised for an hour and then sat on the couch while panting loudly. I took a short break in between but that didn't seem like it was enough. I was completely exhausted and grabbed more water as I wiped sweat from my face, rethinking my day.

I never really focused on Clay in any other way than in a scared way, but today I noticed a few things that made me confused. He wore a hoodie with PE today which was the weirdest thing I had ever seen him do.

He was usually the type of guy who wiped the sweat away from his forehead with his shirt just to show everyone his abs, but today he wore a hoodie that he didn't want to take off. He must have been cold or... there was no way he hurt himself or anything. He felt like the greatest guy alive. Or acted like that...

I shook away the thoughts and stared at my own hands. I felt the urge to cut myself and no matter what I would try, I knew I would end up doing it anyway. I could better just immediately cut myself and be over with it.

I sniffed softly as I walked to the stairs, going up to my room with a sad feeling. I didn't want to hurt myself, but I needed to. I deserved this pain, most people wanted me dead so they wouldn't bother if I cut my skin.

Honestly, the only reason why I didn't commit suicide yet was because of my parents. I knew I would break them with it, but I would also save them money...

⚠️ Self harm (cutting+blood)

I sighed deeply and picked up the blade I hid in a small drawer in my desk. I lifted my right sleeve up high and spun the blade around in my left hand as I looked at the cuts from yesterday.

The red lines made it obvious that it came from a blade and that it wasn't just a random scratch from a tree or anything. I ignored the previous cuts and put the blade in between two of them, putting pressure on it as a tear dropped down my face.

The tear fell down on my blade, rolling down the blade onto my skin. I saw the tear roll down to my old sweats and then I abruptly pulled the blade closer to my chest, seeing a red line appear on my skin. The blood started dripping down slowly and I pulled away from my sweats so they wouldn't get dirty. I didn't have many other pants.

⚠️ Over

~~~

I laid down on my bed, playing with the bandage around my wrist as tears rolled down my face. I imagined what Sapnap was doing right now. He was most likely laughing with his friends or hanging out with his parents, having fun while he was very happy.

And Clay, he was probably with his friends or his girlfriend, doing whatever they did together. It was not my business at all, but I just imagined them to be completely happy while I was over here, crying after self harming because of how much pain they caused me.

Little did I know Clay was cutting his own skin while crying even harder than I did at the exact same moment...

1066 words