Warnings:
-Mentions physical (child) abuse
-Mentions usage drugs
-Mentions murder
-Panic attackGeorge's POV
I was looking for Clay, but I couldn't find him which worried me a lot. I ran through the whole school until I saw him sitting with Sapnap. I stood still for a second and then Clay stood up, but Sapnap immediately too.
I backed off from Sapnap and looked away as he walked up to me. He reached out his hand and I immediately stepped further back. He smiled shortly. 'George, I'm not hurting you. I want to apologise but just sorry isn't enough.'
I glanced up, looking at Clay. 'Is he serious?'
Clay nodded and walked up to me since he noticed how scared I was. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his body, giving me a hug. 'It's okay.'
'You cried,' I whispered as I looked him into his eyes.
Clay breathed out and looked at the floor in silence. 'I think I just need a hug after Sapnap and you talked.'
'We can hug now,' I smiled. I pointed to the bench and he sat down, pulling me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulders, holding me closely to him.
Sapnap was smiling as he looked at us and then sighed. 'Guess I'll tell the story again... I won't go into many details again, but uh- my father killed my two year old sibling years ago and a few weeks ago he attempted to kill me and my siblings. My siblings died, I survived. My father ran away and my mother killed herself this morning.'
I turned quiet and stared at my hands. 'I'm uh sorry... I don't know what to say, sorry.'
'Don't worry. I'm so sorry for bullying you. I was terrified after witnessing the murder and my dad threatened me. I started taking drugs that I got from Clay's ex and did stupid things. I was just an idiot and I hate myself for what I did. You don't have to be my friend or anything, but I hope you can forgive me.'
I looked at my hands with tears in my eyes and sniffed softly. 'Do you actually think I'm fat?' I whispered. 'I can try to lose weight.'
'No! No, you're not fat at all, I'm an idiot and just insecure about myself. I think I'm fat myself and I guess I wanted to look like either you or Clay so I started calling you fat and ugly to feel better about myself.'
'It's okay, I need a break for a second,' I mumbled as I stood up.
I felt tears fill my eyes up as all the pain from the bullying came up again. I had ignored the pain to be there for Clay, but it was so overwhelming and upsetting right now that I needed to be away from Sapnap for a bit.
⚠️ Panic attack
I walked off and sat down on a bench as tears dropped down my face onto my sweatpants. I sniffed softly and felt more tears fall down my face, eventually making me very short of breath.
I hitched a breath and held my hand on my chest as I laid down on the bench, curling myself up. 'C-Clay, h-h-help.'
It was like Clay heard me, because I heard footsteps walk up to me. 'George! I'm here, it's okay.'
He sat down, lifting me up to hold me against his chest. 'Can you feel me breathing? We are going to breathe together, alright?'
I didn't answer, but tried my hardest to copy his breathing rhythm. He held his hand on my chest and ran his other hand through my hair as he breathed very calmly.
'You're okay,' he smiled. 'You're doing really good too! I'm so proud of you.'
⚠️ Over
~~~
I calmed down after ten minutes in which Clay constantly talked to me and held me tightly. At one point I felt so bad that I thought I would pass out or even die, but Clay held me very tight which caused me to feel safe.
'I'm so proud of you,' he whispered. 'That was really difficult to go through, but you can be so proud that you fought through that!'
'What even happened?' I mumbled, exhausted from the previous moments.
'You had a bad panic attack,' Clay answered. 'But you're so strong and brave to fight through that. I had it before so I know how you felt just then.'
'I thought I would die or pass out,' I sniffed as he wiped my half dried tears away from my face.
'I'm with you, I won't let you die,' he replied, smiling softly. 'I love you.'
'I love you too. Can you come to my place today?'
Clay looked up and frowned. 'I vaguely remember that I have- oh shit, I have football training. I can go to your place after that, I'm done around six,' he explained. 'Maybe seven, because I'd like to shower.'
'Are you going to participate too?' I asked, looking up at him. 'You're still really bruised and I feel like you got hit again today.'
He shrugged. 'I got hit and kicked a few times and then I bursted and screamed at one of my old friends since he kept accusing me of rape and everything. Then Sapnap took me with him, he believed me.'
I smiled. 'Are you okay, though? Are you hurt or upset? Because I want to be with you if you are.'
'I'm okay, I promise. I'm just a bit upset after everything that happened, but I'm not more upset than I used to be the past few months. A lot happened so I'm obviously not suddenly extremely happy, but happy enough to be alone.'
I gave him a hug. 'Okay, I'm glad. Tell me whenever you don't feel okay, alright? If something happens with your dad, please text me. Maybe you can't text me back... can you text me if you're okay instead?'
He nodded. 'Okay, I'll text you before I go to training.'
'And what if you don't text me back? Do I go to your house?'
'No, if I don't text back, my dad is probably mad at me and you're risking your life if you come to my place.'
'But then what do I do?'
'I'm not sure... he might just beat me up like usual, I'll be okay,' he sighed.
'No, it's not okay.'
'I don't want you to get in trouble. I'll be okay, I promise.'
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