Finding Home || bxb

12

"Are you serious?" I asked him in shock. "You literally don't even know me. Not really."

"Yeah, I know," he replied. "But I think you're hot in like this mysterious and cute kind of way and I want to get to know you." He scooted even closer to the bed on the chair so now his knees were pressed up against my bed frame.

"I need you to not make fun of me for a second," I simply said. When I got his confirmation that he wouldn't I reached under my pillow to get Lambert from where he was hidden. I really need him right now because the last time a guy told me he fancied me it hadn't turned out very well for me in the end, so I needed the presence of something comforting even if I looked like a child right now.

"Who's this then?" Roman asked with a kind smile on his face.

"Lambert..." I whispered.

"Hello Lambert," Roman said directing all his attention to my stuffed Lamb. "Nice to meet you."

"Don't indulge me," I responded though those butterflies in my tummy feeling only got worse.

"He makes you feel better when you're feeling unsure or confused maybe?" Roman asked hitting the nail on the head. I nodded slowly. "You know the whole reason my parents put me in those martial arts lessons was cos I honestly was the worst child. I mean no wonder it took them until I was 16 to have another baby. My mum even told me that if I hadn't gotten better, they probably wouldn't have had Genie at all. Genie's my sister, short for Genevieve," he explained. "Anyway, I basically would have a temper tantrum every time I got upset or angry or if I just didn't even know how I was feeling. Dad would say that I was a tiny body housing so many emotions that I just couldn't contain them all and they'd leak out of me. They put me in those lessons so I had an outlet so I could have a release. People think of it as a way to get out their anger and other emotions though, but for me, I found it more comforting than anything and it really helped me understand my emotions and if I didn't understand then I could at least feel okay with that. Does Lambert maybe do the same kind of thing for you?"

I stared at him in awe. "Y...yes. He just, he makes me feel better." Roman nodded in understanding with not an ounce of mockery in his eyes.

"Lambert's a great name, you know," he complimented.

"Thanks, my dad named him for me."

"You dad sounds like a funny guy," Roman said. I couldn't have agreed more.

"He was," I replied.

Roman's eyes grew softer if that was even possible. His eyes were so beautiful. So deep and blue like a precious gemstone.

"He's gone?" Roman asked quietly. I nodded. "That's why you're in care? You mum, is she also?"

"Yeah." I didn't elaborate. It was too painful. "Mike and Carrie... they're cool though."

"I bet they are."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him suddenly as my fears from my past so called relationship, and subsequent relationships that were really only hook-ups, resurfaced in my mind. "Are you trying to play me? You've come out as bi and now you're ready to experiment?" Maybe I'd said it too bluntly, but I had to know.

"Woah, no! Absolutely not. I'm a player Alden. I'm not Keaton," he joked.

"You love Keaton," I said softly. "And your other friends." I didn't really mean to say it out loud, it was just my previous thoughts coming out again.

"I do," he confirmed. "A lot. And I'm not trying to play you. I'm not very experienced with the whole dating guys thing and it's honestly a little scary for me so jumping into bed with a guy isn't my top priority right now," he admitted. I could see insecurity in the frown he now displayed on his face. I was so tempted to brush it away with my fingers, but I stopped myself.