Finding Home || bxb

35

I left quietly while Charlie was in his room so he wouldn't notice. This was something I needed to do on my own. My adventure into the past. My punishment. My salvation. My peace.

It wasn't difficult to get to the house. It wasn't too far but definitely too far to walk so I went and sat on the pavement in front of a house a few roads down and ordered an Uber there so Charlie or anyone else wouldn't see it outside.

Then it was just a case of giving the driver the address to drive to. I never forgot it. '11 Cottage Grove' it was called.

It was on a quiet suburban area with houses separated by trees and a few acres of privately owned land. It must have previously been a vast and endless forest that had been developed into for housing wealthy aristocrats in its early days. My parents had bought a house that had been left uninhabited by the previous owners for years, so it had needed refurbishing to bring the design and feel of it more into the current modern standards. But it was a perfectly normal and functioning house except for its lack of digital security measures.

The driveway was large and had a fountain in the middle that could act as a kind of roundabout if needed for a number of cars. I imagine my parents might have thrown fancy dinner parties and galas as work events or just for fun now that they could have afforded to. I would have grown up in a life of luxury. Maybe Arwyn and I would have met by chance at some fancy golfing club our parents would one day take us to or something. Would I have ended up with Arwyn if that was the case? Maybe I would have never met Roman, and he would be with some other girl or guy right now and the thought made my heart ache. So I opened my phone to check his messages and didn't reply as I got distracted by what ifs.

There were so many what ifs that could have happened had such a tragedy not occurred and I felt guilty that I didn't mind where my life was now. Of course, I would have wanted my parents to live on, but I hope that if they had then I would have still met the Colloways and Dahlia and Roman and all my new friends still somehow. Or was that too much to ask of the world. Would I have always had to choose between two happinesses? I guess I was lucky in that I would never know as the choice had already been made for me.

I waited until the Uber driver had left before I pulled out the keys to the front door. The lawyers had given it to me before I left. I wonder where it had sat idly waiting for me all these years. Maybe in a safety deposit box or something? Nevertheless, they were in my hands now and the house was before me, and I was scared. What would I find when I went inside?

What I found was everything covered in white sheets. Someone, and I couldn't even begin to wonder who, must have hired a cleaning company or something and they must have covered everything to protect from dust.

There was only one occasion in which I had been to the house after my parent's death, and it had been to grab my belongings to bring to the children's home. I'd narrowly avoided the dining area and kitchen where it had all happened and grabbed as much of my stuff as could fit in my suitcase before running to my parents' room with tears in my eyes as soon as I saw their empty bed. The only thing I grabbed were my dad's Doc Martens before I felt like I was suffocating in the absence of their presence and had to vacate myself from their room. It had still smelt of them and there were pictures of them and all their things and it was just too much.

I didn't know what to do now that I was inside. I still avoided the kitchen and dining area, refusing to even look in that direction, and decided to explore the rest of the house. Of course, I missed out on looking in my parents' room as well and found myself instead lifting sheets of sofas and chairs and art sculptures my mum had chosen to decorate the house with. I covered everything back up after peeking underneath, and every little thing to the coaster on the coffee table in the living room reminded me of fond memories of us as a family. It hurt but there was a simmering warm feeling of happy times, and it was nice to close my eyes and pretend I was still there reliving the small moments of us sat around the tv as my parents lovingly talked over whatever show I wanted to watch.