Finding Home || bxb

47 (18+)

Roman wasn't exactly in the best of moods for a while after our talk. He asked me to stay over tonight with him because he didn't want to be alone. So I went back home briefly to grab some things, avoiding everyone so they didn't ask about the bump on my head, and then Roman drove me back to his and after dinner we'd just flopped onto his bed watching a movie. He'd never seen Call Me By Your Name so obviously I was making him watch that. He said he was in the mood for something sad anyway.

I know it doesn't make sense to watch something sad when you're already sad, but I knew where he was coming from. Sometimes you just want to sit back and feel everything, and a sad movie just helps bring out the tears. Sometimes you just need a good cry. When our emotions get too much we may cry once and then just shut down, but it's good to feel it all. It helps us understand why we feel that way, helps let it all out, helps us remember in contrast what it means to be happy again.

So, when we got to the end of the movie, with Roman having been kind of emotional today as it was, there was a steady stream of tears flowing from his eyes out.

"That's not fair. That's so not fucking fair," he was saying. Our roles felt kind of reversed tonight as he laid his head on my chest as he cried and complained. "They were so happy even just the day before. They deserve to be together. They were perfect for each other."

"I know baby. It's not nice, is it?" I said. I was running my fingers through his hair because he seemed to like it. I didn't really let him do this to my hair because it would mess it all up, but it always made his hair look all tousled and hot.

"No," he sniffed. "Don't leave me, okay," he said lifting his head up to look at me.

"I won't," I promised giving him a kiss on the forehead.

We sat through the rest of the film, even the credits where Elio just stared at the fire with Sufjan Stevens playing in the background. Roman absorbed every little moment of the scene with such an intensity.

"Maybe I'll take you to Rome one day, if you like?" I said when the movie was over. "With your name and everything, you should get to see it."

Roman smiled and tilted his head to look at me again. "Yeah? You will?"

"Absolutely," I replied. "You know, so long as you keep on top of your looks. Gonna be hard to resist all the other Italian boys out there." I was only teasing of course. No one could ever beat Roman Kingsley for me.

"Oi," he said sitting up to straddle my waist like I usually did to him.

Again, our roles felt so reversed. It was strange because it was a dynamic that we didn't explore that much, but it was nice at the same time. I feel like I didn't show Roman enough before that he could be vulnerable with me the same way he let me be vulnerable with him. Maybe if I had made this clear before, he might have told me about Louis a lot early. I couldn't be certain.

"I'm only half joking," I teased.

"You're rude," he said with a frown.

"Oh yeah?" I said raising my eyebrow. "Can't be helped."

"Stop it," he said.

"Or what?"

Roman looked at me strangely. There was something in his eyes I could see he wanted to say but didn't know how.

"I wanna be yours Alden. Only me. No one else," he said quiet. His eyes were downcast, and he seemed unsure of himself again.

"Hey, no one could ever replace you. Sorry, I really did just mean it as a joke earlier," I said wrapping my arms around his waist and brining him close.