Finding Home || bxb

15

"Nice car," I said getting into the little yellow Fiat 500 Roman showed up in when he came to collect me from the Colloways house to go ice skating with the girls.

"Yeah, okay. Make fun. But it's my mum's, remember," Roman said probably anticipating that I was going to say something judgemental about his car.

"You never said I'd have to get into one of these when you offered me a ride," I teased.

"Yeah well, that was tactical. I wanted to make sure you would say yes." I really would have said yes even if he had been honest about the car he'd show up in, but I wasn't going to ever admit it out loud. "You're wearing makeup."

"Yeah?..." I questioned not even able to fake any confidence.

When I'd been lounging around at home waiting for Roman to show up, Emily had cornered me in my room and asked to do my makeup. Apparently, she wanted to practice her winged liner on other people, and that apparently included putting mascara on me as well. When she was done, she told me I looked pretty and that I should wear makeup more often. I think she might have just wanted to see me with eyeliner and made up some excuse about practicing how to do it.

When I looked in the mirror to see what she'd done, I kind of liked it... I looked almost pretty. And I didn't wanna take it off so I was wasting time with it on when Roman texted me that he was outside and then I just didn't have time to take it off, so I didn't.

"I don't see guys were makeup that often," Roman said studying me, his head tilted to the side slightly.

"Yeah, well, Emily did it. And loads of guys wear makeup. You're just a baby queer, and this is a somewhat conservative, turning kinda liberal, neighbourhood, so you probably just haven't gotten exposed to many guys wearing makeup yet. I mean even some straight guys do it actually. I've seen on tiktok!" I blabbered.

"Baby queer?" he questioned.

"You know, like you've just come out."

"Right..." He started the car putting the clutch into first gear and slowly moved his leg of the break so the car would move forward away from the pavement and onto the road. "Are you nervous? Is that why you're blabbering on about my inexperience?"

"I wasn't trying to call you inexperienced!" Kill me now. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. "Ah yeah, I'm nervous."

"Why?"

"I've never really gone out wearing makeup before," I admitted turning my head to stare right out the window so that I didn't have to look at him. Maybe I shouldn't have decided to go out to a group hangout sort of thing feeling this insecure.

I didn't lie about this area I lived in being somewhat conservative. I'd been here ever since I was put into care as this was the closest children's home to where I used to live with my parents on the border of the county next to this one. It wasn't like there were Union Jacks outside everyone's home, like they did in the US with their flag, nor were there pictures of Liz's face stuck on walls or EDL members running about. It was just a quiet area with mostly your typical nuclear family structures and old couples that had moved away into a quieter neighbourhood in their old age.

I didn't exactly think that anyone would physically attack me specifically for being gay, minus Henry who would really attack me for any reason, but I did fear that the makeup I wore would give people an excuse to throw verbal assaults in my direction. And we were going to the ice rink they'd opened in the town square during Christmas where parents always brought their children. What if they thought of some excuse to get me kicked out for somehow being inappropriate?

Roman turned to me briefly while he drove along the quiet roads. I was looking out the front window now instead of the one to my side in the left passenger seat, but I was still a little lost in my thoughts. "I think it looks nice. Don't be nervous."