Finding Home || bxb

4

"Okay," Dahlia concluded. "If I were into guys I can definitely see how fit he might be."

I chuckled. "Well, I am into guys, and he is definitely fit."

"So, what's the plan then?" Dahlia asked. Her fingers tapped against the lunch table, rings on every finger making a louder sound that I could hear even over the loud chatter of the cafeteria.

"What do you mean?" I asked back confused.

"You know, to get his attention," she said making a 'duh' face.

"There is no plan," I scoffed.

"And why not?" As she talked, my eyes caught onto the lip piercing. It was like a little diamond that went right through the middle of her bottom lip. She pulled out the hairband holding her hair up and let it fall onto her shoulders. " Why don't you want to talk to him somehow if you fancy him so much?"

"I don't fancy him so much," I argued. "I just think he's fit, doesn't mean I have to date him."

She sighed. "C'mon. Walk with me. Let's just ditch the rest of the day and go back to mine."

I sighed and followed behind her as she got up to leave. I snuck a glance back at the tables before we walked out the door, just to see if Roman was there now, because he hadn't shown up at the beginning of lunch, and sure enough there he was. In fact, I thought I saw him looking at me, but it was like he turned his head as soon as he saw me look at him. Could have just been my imagination though.

"Alden," Dahlia called when we got off the bus at the stop near her house. "What are you so scared of? Are you worried he'll reject you? Because everyone risks that in new relationships, but you have to take that risk if you ever want to be with anyone."

"It's not that," I said quietly. "It's just... I don't want to let people in so I can just lose them in the end."

"Is this... is this about your parents. If you don't mind me saying."

"I don't know how to let people in after that. How can I open myself up to someone new when I don't even know who I am most of the time?"

"Well, you let me in," she argued as we got to her front door.

"I didn't let you in," I responded. When we got to her room I jumped on the bed and looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. "You forced your way in. You literally broke down my front door and smashed in my walls and you've refused to leave ever since. You're like a squatter."

"That's a bit dramatic," she said as she pulled a little box out from under her bed. "But just so you know, I don't plan on leaving. I can be stubborn like that."

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "I know."

She started rolling a joint and then sat on her windowsill blowing the smoke outside. I went over and sat opposite her where we handed the joint back and forth.

"Do you ever think it would have been easier if we were both straight?" I asked. Not something I considered very often but weed kind of just made me say whatever came to mind. "I feel like I would have been so into you if I liked girls."

"I think I like the way things are now," she responded.

"So do I."

——

It was late when I got back to the Colloways, well after dinner in fact. Dahlia's mum let me have dinner at theirs and then I had a food coma, so I had to lay on sofa for a while watching old Simpsons episodes on their TV. Munchies hit me hard, and I just had to keep on eating.