𝑺 𝑬 𝑹 𝑬 𝑵 𝑰 𝑻 𝒀 (18+)

Thirty-nine.

minor changes were made to chapters 37 and 38, a reread is not necessary but feel free to if you're curious!
                            
                            S E R E N I T Y

♥

I almost always brought in the new year by getting terribly drunk and severely regretting it the next morning. Vanessa and I would pig out on greasy breakfast sandwiches and spend the whole day in bed. She would talk my ear off about her resolutions and how serious she was about getting them done. I on the other hand couldn't care less about making a resolution. I guess I was never really serious about making changes to myself or my lifestyle. I liked who I was, I liked how I looked. There was nothing I wanted to change, no goal I wanted to reach. Except maybe finally putting out some work I could call my own.

However, this year was different in many ways. A night I would usually spend by getting drunk and having sex with a stranger became staying in and watching the ball drop with Noah. The most shocking part of it all? I really enjoyed it.

I wanted more, so much more. I wanted to write consistently. I wanted to be an author and I wanted to tour across the world and promote my books. I wanted to cut back on drinking, I wanted to travel more. I wanted to spend more time with family, I wanted to put serious thought into my future. I wanted to make a decision about France. I never thought I would be the kind of woman who questioned her choices because of a man. I never thought I would possibly give up the biggest opportunity in my life for one either but I guess that's what they meant when they said love made you crazy.

They also said that if you questioned it? It wasn't love. No, love was definite. When you were in it you were supposed to know wholeheartedly. I'd never been in love before, not honestly. I assumed love was the feeling I felt when I looked at Noah. It was different. It was nothing like the love I shared with Vanessa or Myles. Didn't resemble the way I loved Andrew or my parents. It was something new, something consuming and nauseating. It was so far removed from the person I'd always been but I liked the way it looked on me.

Did you like it too Noah?

"I don't really think that's necessary, I also never said I planned on investing so the pressure you're applying is unprofessional and quite frankly annoying."

I peeked up from my laptop and glanced at Noah pacing back and forth in the kitchen. He looked stressed but that was his default. He smiled at me briefly and held the phone to his chest, "I'll just be a few more minutes, are you okay?" I nodded and went back to typing meaningless words with the distant hum of his yelling in the background. I think he would like it, I hoped he would like it. Because I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way too.

"You would think people learned to stop pitching me their ridiculous business ideas by now," he slouched on the couch beside me with tired eyes.

"How dare anyone want a formidable presence like yourself to help them start their business venture."

He rolled his eyes, "I don't mind helping, I just don't like stupid ideas."

"Righttt," I answered sarcastically.

Noah tuned me out and closed his eyes seemingly ready to take nap. I left him alone and continued typing nonsense onto my computer until I felt his phone vibrating. I shook him awake and he grabbed his phone in annoyance, hostility in his voice. Within a second or two the anger dissipated and confusion settled in his brows.

"Right now?" He asked in a worried tone. I shut my laptop slightly and turned to him.

"Yeah, just give me a few minutes." He hung up the phone and headed towards his coat.