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JAKE ──────────── ' apologize, forgive, repeat '
—"I'M SORRY."
Sorry.That's all she ever was. First, it was for adorable awkward moments when the two of them— new to relationships and still trying to figure out how to look at each other without blushing— would accidentally speak at the same time, but the apology was always brushed off with a shared fit of timorous laughter.
And then it was for all the times she showed up late, out of breath and spewing an explanation about how class ran late, or how her friends kept her behind to hang out for a couple more minutes.
And then the sorry's came flooding in, one after the other, hitting the shore and receding back before he could comprehend them. The word lost meaning every time she said it, chipping away at the heart of the five letters. It had become a greeting, synonymous with hello.
"It's okay."
But it wasn't. He said that every time though. Their conversations were scripted, everything was planned out for them. His life felt like a poorly written novel, one with an interesting plotline, but was dragged on far too long.
She apologized, he forgave her. Repeat.
Maybe he should've been less lenient. Maybe he should have spoken his mind. Maybe he should have told her how uncomfortable he felt when she sweet-talked his teammates or held onto their arms just a little too long when complimenting their performances after a soccer game.
He should have said something about all the times he saw her cuddled up to numerous different boys during school or all the photos he saw of her at parties (where she very clearly was not thinking of her boyfriend of two years) as she latched onto some random man with eyes filled with lustful admiration.
"I'm truly sorry, Jakey- If I knew it would upset you I wouldn't have done it-"
"I said it was okay, don't worry about it," He swallowed down the knot forming in his throat, putting on a small smile to get the girl off his back. Perhaps also suppressing the disgust he felt at the childish nickname.
"It was just a game, I didn't think you'd have a problem with it," She continued, almost as if she hadn't realized that he had already accepted her apology, "And besides, everyone was playing, it would have been weird if I didn't."
Jake nodded, trying to listen to what she had to say for herself, while simultaneously wishing she would shut up so he could leave. "Of course, I get it."
But he really didn't. He didn't get any of it. How hard was it to not participate in a game? Especially one where the objective is to make out with someone? And he knew for a fact that not everyone was playing, his own friend Mateo was there with his boyfriend, and neither of them participated. Spin the bottle was not like a compulsory class; There was no obligation for her to attend.
