Just a little feeling.

: 10 :

Nijimura Okuyasu . .

++

Stepping off the last step of the stairs. I stood still for what seemed like a solid ten minutes, but in reality was maybe like quarter of that time frame.

I felt no better but I could feel my physical pains worsening from how much strain I had on my thoughts. Clenching both my hands into fists, I was sure the veins in my arms were going to burst from the amount of pressure. All I wanted was to borrow something, but despite my dad not being able to speak I could tell he'd yell a harsh no if he could.

I wanted to borrow our old picture of our family. That picture holds so much significance to my dad that he would not dare to part with it. Especially after Big Bro died. I sighed trying to cool my nerves but much came out as a huff of irritation. As I finally lifted my feet off the floor and into the direction of my bedroom across the second floor, that I was lucky enough to have my privacy but I never enjoyed it.

Out of habit and of force boredom I decided to lay on my bed, not bothered by the bed being messy and not done in the morning from how late I was running to school..

"Why am I so tired? Maybe I could pull a few bucks out my savings and go to Tonio's to see if he can help get rid of my drowsiness and overwhelming sadness."  I mentioned softly to myself though I felt the low rumbling on my throat shake through my body and out into the dark and empty bedroom. I quickly sat up more determined than I ever felt for the past week.

"Man! How smart can I be?" I boasted, while quickly bouncing off my bed and quickly speeding down the stairs to retrieve my belongings such as my shoes. Making my way towards the front door, a thought popped in my head as what I felt like a cloud looming behind me and above.

What if it's not something so easily fixed..? What would be the point if I went and didn't work? Free food if it doesn't regardless! But I still feel sick from earlier, from my smart thinking— now it hurts from me running down here to get my stuff. I'm sure Tonio can help with that too! Maybe even Josuke! What happened to me doing things by myself from now on? God, Keicho was right. I am hopeless, and despite him saving my life. I still ended his even though he deserved it. I bring everyone down from my need of dependency.

Is this a curse? Our family is cursed. Just like Dad.