𝕞𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕟 || 𝚅𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛

16. "god help you you ruin our friendship"

Lena's pov

Gigi leaving just gives me more time to hate myself. And I hate it. I need to distract myself. I highly doubt she went to the bar downstairs so I decide to go and have a drink there.

At first glance there is no one I know and I don't know if I prefer it this way. I take a seat in the first empty table I see. The waiter comes up to me and asks if I would like anything. I ask her for a glass of water. I don't want to actually drink because that would be another mess.

 I can't believe I didn't deny liking him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I should have just said no! She definitely picked out the fact that I didn't deny it. I know that for sure. Ugh.
I drop my head onto my hands.

"Are you okay?" The water is back with my glass of water. I look up at her. She has like a friendly worried smile on. I laugh a little.

"Yeah. Just stressed. Thank you for the water."

"Of course. Let me know if you need anything." She smiles and walks away.

I want to continue talking with her. Anything to make my mind leave my thoughts. I look down at my water and realize I don't even feel like drinking it. The sight of it alone is making my stomach turn. I don't want to look mean though, so I drink it and leave a tip on the table before leaving.

I think I should tell Esme about it. I just want to talk to someone about how shitty of a person I am. I run up the stairs and unlock our apartment door. I enter in and I turn on the lights. That's when I realize I feel like crying. My eyes are burning. I hold it in though, because I am not the victim. Gigi should be the one crying, wherever she is.

I go to my room and lay down. I dial Esme's number. I look around while I wait. The sheets still lowkey scent like Vinnie.

Vinnie.

"Hey what's up?" Esme asks lively.

"Hey." I clear my throat.

"Is everything okay?" She asks.

"No."

"What's wrong?" She asks full of concern.

"I broke our promise." I admit and start crying. She goes silent for a while.

"With who?" She asks after like 20 seconds.

"Vinnie." I blurt out. I'm embarrassed.

"When?" She asks.

"Well the first time was-"

"Wait, you did it more than once?!" She asks surprised. Maybe she didn't expect this from me either.

"Yeah..." I confess.

"Lena..." She sighs. "Why?"

"It was a heat of the moment." I say. It's true. Both times. Maybe if I thought about it a little bit longer I wouldn't have. Maybe.

"All of the times?" She asks like she doesn't believe me.

"It was two times. The first time was like a week after we moved here. The second was today."

"And how far did you go?" She asks.

"Just making out. I feel awful." I say.

"Does Gigi know?" She is curious. I feel like if I tell her she does, she'll think that's why I feel bad.

"About today yes. The first time no." I tell her the truth. She sighs.

"Look, I know why you guys made that promise. Because of bad experience you've had with guys and also because guys just kind of separate you guys, right?"